jokes bad or otherwise.

A man went into McDs and asked for a taco, but with minimum lettuce . The assistant looked at him and said "sorry but we only do Cos lettuce.:39:
 
The Council received a call asking that a "DEER CROSSING" road sign be removed.
The caller said that so many Deer were being hit just there that it didn't seem fair to make the deer use that spot!!:13:
 
A pedestrian was asked at a crossing , "why does the buzzer sound when the lights change ??"
He replied"! It's to warn blind people that the lights have changed!"
The question came back...."Why, are they letting blind people drive now??" ???
 
A man went into a dress shop and said to the assistant " I'd like to buy my wife your best pair of tights, something fancy with love hearts or flowers in the pattern."
The assistant said "that's nice, she will be surprised!"
The man said "I'll say, she's expecting a diamond ring!!" :me:
 
The teacher said to his class " We'll discuss contrasts, you lad ,what's the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness "! the boy replied.
He asked a girl next, "what's the opposite of depression?"
"Elation "she replied.
To a boy at the back he said, "What's the opposite of woe?"
The boy thought for a while and said, "would that be giddy-up??" :me:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train after seeing the old films when the villain tied the girl to the track , when it happened she was chuffed to bits!
 
Old one............ The fans were heading toward the stadium.........A funeral procession made it's way through the throng.
A man took off his hat and bowed as the coffin passed. His friend said "that was a wonderful thing to do!"
The man said " she was a good wife to me for 35 years!" :me:
 
Woman working in the zoo had to pass a parrot everyday to get to her station.
Each day the parrot said "Hello. Boy are you ugly!!"
After several weeks of this, she's had enough and asks that the parrot be destroyed'.
The manager assures here he will sort it out and it wont happen again
Next day she go's by the bird and it says "Hello" She glares at it and says "And.:20:....??
The parrot whistles, cocks its head at her and says "..you know!" :me: :16:
 
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A group of schoolchildren were visiting the local hospital . They stopped and watched a nurse putting a plaster cast on a patient.
Their teacher asked if anyone had ever broken a bone .One boy put up his hand, she asked if it had hurt him. "No miss"! he replied . "How come?" she asked "it usually hurts!"
"It was my sisters arm!" replied the boy. :wink: :me:
 
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