jokes bad or otherwise.

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson.

"Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"

One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."
 
Accountant: "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

Doctor: "Have you tried counting sheep?"

Accountant: "Yes, and that's the problem! I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"
 
BEST OUT-OF-OFFICE E-MAIL REPLIES

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
 
Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."
 
So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer, the former world chess champion, and the table had a checked tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass the salt.
 
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.


The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"


Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.


"Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"


As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.


"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.


The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
 
What's the difference between a grumpy 2 year old and a duckling ??
Ones a whiny toddler and the other's a tiny waddler !:08:
 
OLD ONE............................Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks ? ..........In case he got a hole in one !!:08:
 
SPOTTED IN THE PAPER...............
Someone who can smile when things go wrong, has usually found someone else to blame for it !:08:
 
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