jokes bad or otherwise.

A man goes into a Pet shop looking for an unusual pet . On asking the owner he is offered a talking centipede which he snaps up at the bargain price of £40. He takes it home in its own little personal box. Ten minutes after getting home he opens the box " Hello Mr Centipede do you fancy coming to the pub " the centipede says nothing . Ten minutes later the man does the same not a peep from the centipede . Finally exasperated he says one last chance or its going back ,opens the box and angrily shouts " Hello Mr Centipede do you fancy going down the pub !!!!" " I heard you the first time you muppet I am just putting my shoes on" :08:
 
An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are at lunch . They open their lunchboxes . " Not beef again " pipes up the Englishman " If she gives me Beef tomorrow I am going t jump off that Cliff and drown" . The Scotsman angrily shouts " Bloody Ham again , if she gives me Ham again tomorrow I'm joining you " . The Irishman shouts " Not Tuna again if I get Tuna again tomorrow I'm going t make it a hat trick and join you " .

Well next day they all get exactly the same sandwiches again and carry out their threat. At their funeral the Englishman's wife sobs " I only gave him beef because I thought he loved it ". The Scotsman's wife weeps " I only gave him Ham because he loved it " . The Irishman's wife pipes up " I did offer to make his sandwiches...... "
 
A boss instructs three of his workers to drop an object off the top of a tall building to demonstrate how badly their sales figures have fallen on the last month and to show what the consequences of their lack of aptitude will impact on the company. So they select three objects and retire to the top of the building . . The first guy selects an apple and drops it from the building .He runs down to find a child sobbing . "What happened" he asked " An apple came from the sky and hit me on the head " . " Don't worry stop crying it will get better" the first man replies.

The second selects an orange , drops it and runs down to find another child sobbing . "What happened" he asked " An orange came from the sky and hit me on the head " . " Don't worry stop crying it will get better" the second man replies.

The third selects a Grenade , drops it and runs down to find another child laughing his head off . "What happened" he asked " Well I broke wind and that parked car was blown to smithereens !"
 
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