jokes bad or otherwise.

A policeman on horseback is sat at some traffic lights when a kid on a bike pulls up next to him . The Cop leans over and asks " New Bike ? Did Santa bring it for you " , " Yes " the kid replies." The cop then says " I'm issuing you with a safety violation ticket for $20, when you write your list for Santa tell him to put a red tail light on your next bike" .

The kid takes the ticket and leans towards the Cop " Nice Horse , did Santa bring it for you " . The cop to humour the kid says " well of course he did" . The kid leans over again and retorts " Well when you write your list for Santa to get your next horse tell him to put the dick underneath the Horse and not on the top" :eek:
 
A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the state.

After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the hamburger his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks. So he asked again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, Grandfather's dog started to growl and would not let him pass.

"Grandfather, your dog won't let me out."

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, Grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!"
 
John and Nancy, married for 40 years, planned a second wedding to renew their vows.

Nancy described to her friend the dress she would wear.

Nancy's friend asked, "What color shoes?"

Nancy replied, "Silver."

John chimed in: "Yep, silver ... to match her hair."

With a pointed look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said: "So, John, I guess you'll go barefoot."
 
When John returned to the house one evening, his wife announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.

"Yeah," said Dewey very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."

"You're absolutely right it wasn't," she said. "And they were the two best towels we had .... you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel?!"
 
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt.

A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs.

I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.
 
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