jokes bad or otherwise.

Cooper and Walsh are on patrol ,and a chicken comes running by them at around 50mph .Fascinated by its speed they decide to follow it. It goes into a farmyard and they decide to ask the farmer about it.
"Oh that 'll be one of my three legged chickens !" "How have you got three legged chickens ??" said Walsh
" Don't know , I haven't managed to catch one yet !" said the farmer.:confused:
 
A Yorkshire man ordered a headstone for his wife's grave .Being pragmatic and "careful" he asked the mason just to put SHE WERE THINE on the stone.
He went back when it was declared ready , to find that on the stone was carved SHE WERE THIN ! " This is no good ! "he told the mason "You've missed the letter E off."
The mason assured him it would be put right by the following day.
The man went back next day to find that the stone now read E SHE WERE THIN .:39::confused:
 
Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.

As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips."

Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. "If there is a dress here that will do that, I'll buy them all!"
 
A dog walks into a job referral agency and asks if they have any openings for him. After the receptionist picks herself up off the floor, she asks the dog to come back in an hour. The dog agrees and walks out. As soon as the dog leaves she calls the circus and asks if they can use a talking dog.

"Of course," says the owner, "send him down."

An hour later, the dog walks back into the agency and the receptionist yells that she has a job for the dog in the circus.

To which the dog replies, "What does the circus want with a carpenter?"
 
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were.

"I'm so tough," said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week."

"Well," said the second boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day."

"That's nothing," said the third boy. "When my parents take me to see Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in just one hour."
 
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain!"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
 
Two guys were fishing on the river.

One catches the biggest catfish either one has ever seen. He says to his buddy, "We need to remember this spot so we can come back here again."

His buddy pulls a pen out of his pocket and makes a big 'X' on the bottom of his boat. The first guy looks at his buddy, shaking his head in disgust. "Seriously? What if we bring different boat next time?"
 
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