jokes bad or otherwise.

[Electrical Entwistle]

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

 

[dick]

Hear about the magic tractor ?? It went down the lane and turned into a field !

 

[dick]

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor ??..............................It was just a stage he was going through .

 

[dick]

Why do cows lie down when its cold ??................................To keep each udder warm.

 

[dick]

Cross a cat with a lemon and what do you get ?....................A sour puss !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

 

[dick]

Why did the blackbird go into the library ?....................He was looking for bookworms !

 

[dick]

Where can you get 4 suits for less than a fiver ??................................In a pack of cards !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I'll be fine, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

Where does Dracula get all his jokes?

From his crypt writer!

 

[dick]

What do you get if you cross The Atlantic with The Titanic ??..........................About halfway !

 

[dick]

Was Camelot famous for its knight life ??

 

[dick]

Is rhubarb really celery with high blood pressure?

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Two kids are arguing about whose Dad is the biggest wuss Scaredy Cat . The first protests " It's my dad because when there is Thunder and Lightening he runs and hides behind the sofa shaking " . The second replies " I think it's my Dad because when my Mum works Nightshift he is so scared he has to go and sleep with the lady next door!"

 

[dick]

Why do barbers make good drivers?......................They know the short cuts !

 

[dick]

How do's a barber cut the moon's hair?...............................Eclipse it !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey.

 

[dick]

How do you forget about indigestion ??.....................Use Milk of Amnesia !

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Ford are having issues at their car plant in Dagenham with productivity so they hire a professional senior manager to go and sort it out . On his first day he goes on the shop floor inspecting the workers and how production is progressing when he comes upon a guy standing leaning against the wall . Angrily he storms up to the guy and shouts " How much do you get paid a week to keep that wall up" " about £200 " the guy retorts . "Right" the Manager says " Here's £800 consider yourself sacked pack you stuff and get out" .

After the guy goes he is talking to the other managers " Well that showed that @:£$% slacker what did he do here ?" " he's the Domino's Pizza delivery man" .

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

Did you hear about a string that walked into a bar. The bartender said “we don’t serve your kind here.”

Subsequently, the string left the bar, mussed up his ends and tied himself up. Then walked back into the bar. Upon doing so, the bartender said "aren't you the string I just kicked out of here?"
To which the string replied "No, I'm a frayed knot."