jokes bad or otherwise.

[happyjack]

Haunted French pancakes give the crepes

 

[happyjack]

England has no kidney bank, but it does a Liverpool.

 

[happyjack]

They told me I was a type A blood group, but it was a typo.

 

[dick]

What do you call a Scotsman with halitosis...............................Macbreath !

 

[dick]

How do cats go shopping ?................From a catalogue !

 

[dick]

I have a useless photographic memory !.................................................It never developed !

 

[dick]

COUPLE OF DODDY'S;
A big ship ran aground in ABBEY VIEW harbour A big ship loaded with red and blue paint The whole crew were marooned !

...How am I coping with the credit crunch ? I thought it was a chocolate bar !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What kind of ant is good at mathematics?

An accountant.

 

[dick]

Doctor Doctor, I feel like a needle! .................Yes I can see your point !

 

[dick]

Doctor , I think I need glasses !....................................You certainly do, this is the library !!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I started on a new diet. I eat whatever I want whenever I want and as much as I want. I haven't last any weight, but it's real easy to stick to!

 

[dick]

What do you call a belt made of watches ??................................A waist of time !

 

[dick]

How did the man feel when his batteries failed on his torch ?.........................De-lighted !

 

[dick]

What do you call a woman who slides around on some hot toast?............................Marge !

 

[dick]

A lady went to the doctors and asked for some sleeping pills for her husband. When the doctor asked why ,she said " He woke up !"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

A wealthy married man had an affair with a beautiful Italian girl and on his latest meeting she announced she was pregnant. Fraught with guilt he asked if she would return to Italy and have the child there . When the baby was born he said if you send a plain postcard with the word Spaghetti written on it he would arrange to transfer money to her and cover the expenses of raising the child until he or she was 18.

A few months later he arrived home from work and his wife mentioned that they had received a very strange postcard and she didn't know what it meant but passed it to him to read , which he duly did , turned white and fainted. On the card was written " Spaghetti,Spaghetti,Spaghetti two with meatballs one without"

 

[dick]

I was going to take my dog to the obedience class . It wouldn't go!

 

[dick]

Why did the man stay on the round-a-bout for three days ??.....................To set a whirled record !

 

[dick]

My brother once made a living selling bicycles. He peddled them all over the country !

 

[dick]

I once wrote a book on elephants . I now realise it would have been easier on paper!