jokes bad or otherwise.

A woman snook up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name 'Angela' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have good an explanation."

"Calm down, dear," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the Greyhound track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'

The next morning, his wife crept up on him and smacked him a across the face.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Clever Greyhound you bet on , it rang you last night ."
 
A young Private is on camouflage training in Wales with his company and he is disguised as a tree . The Sergeant Major is patrolling around checking how each soldier is doing when the Private moves . "You bloody idiot don't you know by moving like that you would put your whole battalion at risk in a battle "

" With due respect Sergeant I never moved when I was target practice for a flock of pigeons. I never flinched when a great Dane used me as a toilet but when two squirrels ran up the inside of my trouser leg and said lets eat one now and keep one for the Winter I could stand it no more ."
 
A guy is looking to buy a new car radio at the store the Salesman offers him a deal . "Sir this is the top f the range model costs £900 but I will take 7 percent off for discount" . The Man is puzzled and clearly cannot work out what the cost is so he makes his excuses and declines the sale.

The Salesman is aghast and is still puzzled , he thinks 7 percent discount is a good deal. When he gets home to his girlfriend in an attempt to get and answer he asks her " If I offered you £900 minus 7 percent how much would you take off?" " Everything but my earrings " is her reply .
 
Four Surgeons are discussing operations when one asks the others who they prefer to operate on . The first says Librarians because when they are opened up everything is in Alphabetical order.

The second states Accountants because when you open them up everything is in Numerical order. The third offers up Electricians because when you open them up everything is colour coded.

The fourth to the puzzlement of the others states Politicians. When you open them up they are spineless, gutless, heartless and their head and ass are interchangeable.
 
An old Man and Woman have been married for ages and quite clearly hate each other. When they argued the neighbours heard one statement repeated constantly from the man . "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practised black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it gave him.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The neighbours got together and asked the Woman was she not frightened or concerned that this man who practised black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The Woman replied " I don't give a stuff let the miserable old B@£$%^ give it his best shot I had him buried with the coffin upside down!"
 
A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Las Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the Croupier kneeling over her.

He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The Croupier replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"
 
A Grandson is being shown around a farm by his Grandfather when they come across a field where a Bull and Cow are mating . "What's this Grandad ?" the boy asks, to which the Grandad replies " That's a Bull and a Cow and he is serving her" . They continue their walk and come to the stables where a Stallion and Mare are mating . The boy again asks "What's this ?" The Grandad replies " That's a Stallion and a Mare and he is serving her ."
Well they finish their walk and go back to the house for Dinner. After they say grace the Grandma turns to the Grandad and says " Pop will you please serve the Turkey. The Grandson lets out a shriek of horror and says " If he does I want a Burger!!"
 
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