jokes bad or otherwise.

George said:
Men are like a pack of cards, you need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to batter them, and a spade to bury them.
Click to expand...

LOL George,

I just told my husband that one and he didn't laugh! :D hee hee :D
 
Last night I was going to kill myself by swallowing a handful of asprins - but after taking the first two I felt much better.
 
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,Dine her,Call her,Hug her,Hold her,Surprise her,Compliment her,Smile at her,Laugh with her,Cry with her,Cuddle with her,Shop with her,Give her jewelry,Buy her flowers,Hold her hand,Write love letters to her,Go the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,
Bring beer.:-)
 
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
 
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT........
 
George Leggett A Duck walked into a bar 3 days in a row and each day he sat on the same stool and yelled at the barman, "quack, quack, got any raisins?" The barman said, "NO. And if you come back again I will nail your feet to the ground. The next day the duck came back , peeped his head inside the door. He said, "quack, got any nails?" The bartender replied, "No!" The duck said "Good, then you got any raisins?:-)
 
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
 
Bill: Hey Phil, are you going fishing? Phil: Yeah! Bill: Ya got worms? Phil: Yeah, but I'm still going!
 
A study has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed
up his backside.
 
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut....she is eating a snack
cake... the barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get
hair on your twinkie."

"I know, "she replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."
 
A woman tells her husband she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery. I know how to do it without surgery." The wife asks, "How?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." The wife asks, "How does that work?" "I don't know, but it worked for your bum."
 
George said:
A woman tells her husband she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery. I know how to do it without surgery." The wife asks, "How?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." The wife asks, "How does that work?" "I don't know, but it worked for your bum."
Click to expand...
 
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
 
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He said. "Oh, killed any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He replied,"Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
 
A man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you.":-)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top