jokes bad or otherwise.

[maltrab]

I've just started working for the BBC (Repeat)

;D :

 

[George]

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
It reminds me of why there is no money in there.

 

[George]

My Mate suffers with Paranoid Schizophrenia.
I took him to watch a Rugby Match last Week.
When they got down into a Scrum he thought they were all talking about him.

 

[dick]

I booked a weekend away at a country hotel that was miles from anywhere.
Which explains why I couldn't find it.

Was it booked on Secret Escapes??

 

[Norm]

Two Goldfish swimming in a bowl and one said to the other " do you know how to drive this thing ??"

 

[George]

When my wife makes a mistake, I tell her,
"You've got nobody but myself to blame!"

 

[George]

I found a tub of Flora at the back of the fridge this morning. I couldn't see an expiry date on it, so I thought I'd take my chances and put some on my toast.
I now know the true meaning of 'middle-aged spread'.

 

[George]

You know it's hot outside when you walk outside and it's hot.

 

[George]

My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..
"I know" was probably not the right answer.

 

[George]

I'm not saying my little old granddad is unlucky but he died in the middle of the desert.
Witnesses said it was the most unusual shark attack ever.

 

[George]

Watching the telly earlier my Dad said, 'It's about time they gave judges back their bloody hanging powers. See what things have come to in this country nowadays?'
We're not letting him watch Britain's Got Talent again

 

[George]

London police have unveiled the latest technology to patrol the River Thames.

Row Boat Cop.

 

[George]

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling "Left Guard" for my other armpit...

 

[Big Unc]

Never a truer word!

 

[George]

So you don't drive, you don't have any money and you don't have any thumbs...
Tell me, just how did you get here, Mr Hitchcock?

 

[George]

My mate Jim says I'm schizophrenic, which is weird, because I don't have a mate called Jim.

 

[WesleyRocks]

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling "Left Guard" for my other armpit...

 

[George]

I saw my wife's latest Facebook status late last night it read,
'Heaving a quiet night in with hubby.'
'Auto correct again?' I commented sarcastically underneath.
'Oh yes' she wrote and corrected it...
'Heaving, a quite night in with chubby.'

 

[George]

I used to be poor...
Then I found a Thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.

 

[George]

All these emails for viagra have made me bored stiff,so therefore I do not need viagra.
Thank you