jokes bad or otherwise.

I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
 
Wonga Unveils Record £63m Profits For 2012
All thanks to 82 year old Beverly who missed one payment on her £500 loan.

Tragic in a way. I wonder if our US buddies know what we mean by "Wonga" both as a slang term for money (or loot) and the company.

https://www.wonga.com/
Never heard the term or company Wonga but I have heard of "legalized stealing". Unfortunately e have a lot of those types here to.

>:(
 
Why do couples hold hand during their wedding day?... It is just a formality,like two boxers shaking hand before the fight begins
 
According to my local newspaper there are cat burglars in our area.
That would probably explain the shifty looking tabby I saw in my garden last night then.
 
21 Reasons Why English Is Hard to Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish silverware.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
 
"Do you want to hear a really good batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.
"Go on then," I replied.
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" he screamed.
I said, "That's superman,"
, "Thanks,” he said “I've been practising."
 
"Do you want to hear a really good batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.
"Go on then," I replied.
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" he screamed.
I said, "That's superman,"
, "Thanks,” he said “I've been practising."
;D ;D ;D
Congratulations on 200 pages George. ;)
 
"You really have got a sweet tooth," the dentist commented.
"Yes," I confessed, "One of the front ones came out, so I replaced it with a mint imperial."
 
"Are you sure you're not working?" Asked the girl at the dole office as I signed on.
"Why, just because I drive a nice car?" I sneered.
"Not necessarily," she smiled. "But perhaps you'd care to explain the chauffeur's uniform."
 
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.
 
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
I was looking back at George's jokes from several years ago and loved this one. lol
 
I hate it when women turn the light off before having sex.
It makes it awfully difficult for me to see them through the window.
 
I looked out of the window today and there was a dog sat on a chair behind a desk, using a laptop computer.
I shouted to my wife, "Next door's dog is doing it's business on our lawn again."
 
A Post Office was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy.
The police are describing the suspect as six feet tall, and anywhere between twenty five and eight thousand years old.
 
"Let me be the judge of that..." I said to my mate Dave
Right after he told me he was setting up a wet t-shirt contest.
 
A new survey found that Ryanair is officially the most hated airline in the country.
Ryanair have published an apology to its passengers.
Then they debited them a £60 'Apology Fee'.
 
Back
Top