jokes bad or otherwise.

A man had been struck on the head by a large blunt object similar to stone, the weapon was left at the scene of the crime. Police suspect it wasn't an accident,
But the evidence wasn't concrete.
 
I've learnt a life lesson today.
Next time I walk into the house and see my wife crying, I'm not going to say "Is it because of your new haircut?"
 
You'd be surprised how quickly the sales people at the DIY store try and assist you when you try and start a chainsaw.
 
I was reading a magazine earlier and said, "I wonder how long you could live without a brain?"
"How old are you?" My wife asked.
 
This is not a joke but it reads like one!
My daughters new boy friend is buying a house. He phoned up to find out when he could collect the keys and was told a day this week. When he got the keys and entered the house he found that the estate agency had sent a letter to the new house 2 days before saying that the keys were available for collection!! ??? ??? :-\
 
dick said:
This is not a joke but it reads like one!
My daughters new boy friend is buying a house. He phoned up to find out when he could collect the keys and was told a day this week. When he got the keys and entered the house he found that the estate agency had sent a letter to the new house 2 days before saying that the keys were available for collection!! ??? ??? :-\
Click to expand...

Where did he find this agent? at the old house?????LOL
 
An article in The New Scientist suggests that a small nuclear war could actually reverse the effects of global warming.
To be honest that sounds a lot easier than sorting all my rubbish into the right bins
 
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang.
I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
 
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right.
The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the survey was conducted.
 
I hope it's not true that your life flashes before your eyes when you die.
If mine was worth watching, I wouldn't be standing on top of this bridge.
 
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my wife and I slept on bunk beds.
 
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper

What's black and white and red all over?
An embarassed zebra.
 
I was sat at the kitchen table surrounded by a huge pile of overdue bills when I got a phone call to say my rich uncle had died.
My problems were solved.
He left me his paper shredder.
 
My mate who's got a severe lisp keeps throwing tantrums because of his condition.
"That's so unnecessary." I said.
"Thath eathy for you to thay," he replied.
 
I hope you don't mind George but I`m nicking some of your gags to post on my Facebook page, they are going down a storm :D ;D ;) :)
 
Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.
"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."
"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let them carry me around until I was 4."
 
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