jokes bad or otherwise.

I was having a drink in the pub when my mate said, "Have you been to the dentist?"
"Yeah, I went this morning. How did you know?"
"That sticker saying: 'I was brave'."
 
If I found out I only had a week to live, I'd spend it with my mother in law.
It would be the longest week of my life.
 
"Spot!" I said. "Here boy! Come on. Come to daddy. Here boy!" I patted my legs, waved a stick, made a panting noise. Nothing. He didn't move a muscle.
Honestly, goldfish are so stupid.
 
George said:
Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.
"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."
"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let them carry me around until I was 4."
Click to expand...
Love it George ;D ;D ;D
 
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.
One boy says: "Elephant."
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: "Two Elephants."
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behaviuor. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: "Maybe an Elephant!"
 
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but he'll burn his fingers because he didn't wait until it was cool.
 
Seven dwarfs walk into a bar.The barman says,"Sorry but I'm afraid I can only serve one of you."
"But why?" asked the dwarfs.
"Because it's Happy hour," says the barman.
 
Three prison officers have been attacked at the maximum-security Whitemoor Prison in Cambridgeshire.
That's terrible. Some people ought to be locked up.
 
"The wife's finally passed her driving test, fifteenth attempt." I told my mate earlier. "So she wants to drive over to that shit seafood restaurant across town and have a meal. That dodgy place that had the salmonella problem a few weeks back."
"Bloody hell, aren't you worried?" He asked.
"Not at all." I assured him.
"I'm catching the bus."
 
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