jokes bad or otherwise.

A couple have rushed to hospital because the lady has gone into labour . When they arrive the Doctor says they have a new machine that will allow both of them t get pain relief. Delighted they both get hooked up , the doctor sets it with 20% relief for the man and 80% for the lady . When he comes back to enquire how its going they both say they arent feeling pain but just in case he changes the dose to 50% each . He comes back again in half an hour by which time the lady is about to give birth , he asks about the pain level and both are fine so he actually gives 100% of the relief to the man . The baby is born , the lady had no pain problems and the man was fine . A couple of days later they went home with their new baby to find the Postman writhing in agony on the doorstep.
 
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."
 
A mother cannibal is walking in the jungle with her daughter. They see a plane flying overhead.

Little girl cannibal asks: "Mommy, is that airplane up there good to eat?"

Mamma cannibal answers: "Just like a lobster, dear. Only what's inside."
 
A guy goes into a library and says to the librarian, "I would like a Coke, some fries and a cheeseburger."

The librarian, exassperated, replies, "Sir, do you have any idea where you are at?"

He looks around ... "Oh, excuse me!"

Then whispers, "I would like a Coke, some fries and a cheeseburger."
 
The nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down outside the operating room where another golfer, who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated.

"Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse, stepping outside the room, asked the pacing golfer.

"No," replied the man. "It's my ball!"
 
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location!’”
 
Teacher........Use the word "denial "in a sentence .

Boy...........Denial is the longest river in the world!:roflmao:
 
A man sadly dies and is standing at the Pearly Gates . St Peter says to him " To be frank its up in the air whether you are going to get into heaven , we cannot make our mind up you've done some good things and some bad things in your life , is there some incident you can tell us about that may convince us"

The man thinks for a minute and then says " Well , I was driving along when I passed a group of Bikers beating a guy up , so I stopped the car , took a baseball bat from the boot of the car, strode up to the gang leader a huge shaven head tattoo'd guy and said I suggest you leave him alone or you'll have me to deal with"

St Peter says " well that's very impressive when did this all happen"

" About two minutes ago " was the reply
 
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