jokes bad or otherwise.

A man has had enough of life and decides to join a Monastery and take monastic orders . He is inducted and has to adhere to a strict rule that he can only speak every Seven years and when he does he can only say two words. After the first seven years he uses his two words and utters " Cold Floors" , seven years pass and he states "Bad Food" , after a further years he states " Freezing Shower" . After a further Seven years he is summoned to see the Abbot expecting to be able to say his two words when the Abbot intercedes " Brother John we have decided to ask you to leave since you've been here you have done nothing but moan and frankly we are sick of your whining so it's best you just go "
 
Teacher...............For which work is Robert Louis Stevenson best known??

Pupil....................Stephenson's Rocket??:unsure::cautious:
 
I thought for nostalgia I would add a couple of Les Dawson's one liners [they have republished his joke book , not considered PC though now I imagine . Happy to delete this if anyone objects to the content ]

When I was young my teeth were so prominent my mother wanted to rent me out as a Till.

When my Mother -in -Law smiled it was like seeing a crack in a sceptic tank

My Mother-in-Law has so many wrinkles that when she smiles she looks like a Venetian Blind.
 
Teacher................Which waterway connects the Mediterranean to the Red Sea??

Pupil............The Sewage Canal sir??:roflmao: :sneaky:
 
Teacher............What is the function of the Pancreas??
Pupil...........It's a big railway station in London sir!:08:
 
Why haven't you done your Geography homework??
Well sir, my mother says the world is changing every day so I've decided to wait until it settles down! :08: :rolleyes:
 
You've called off the wedding ? Why?? I thought he was Mr Right??

He was, but he forgot to say that his first name was Always ! :31::46:
 
Doctor Doctor I think i'm invisible. Doctor replies. I can't see you now come back later:D
 
A family reluctantly put their frail mother in a nursing home in the hope she would be well looked after. Well the next day the attendants bathed her , dressed her , fed her a delicious breakfast and sat her is a chair so she could look at the beautiful garden . As she was sitting she appeared to lean to one side, immediately the attendants rushed and straightened her up , this happened a few times during the day.

Eventually her family came to visit and of course asked how they were treating . " Well everything is fabulous cannot complain except they keep stopping me from breaking wind.
 
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