jokes bad or otherwise.

jokes bad or otherwise

I thought you may wish to see a few new definitions for words published recently in the Dictionary:-

Archive - Where Noah kept his Bees
Annex - Captain Mark Philips
Baltimore - Request additional food in an Indian Restaurant
Botox - A seafaring Bovine
Buffalo - a popular greeting in a Nudist Camp
Cannelloni - Scot's banker won't advance you money
Indulgence - at a boring toilet
:me:
 
Australian firefighters were dealing with a bush fire when they were helped by a "water-bombing " helicopter . Unfortunately instead of filling up from a lake, he filled up from a sewage treatment works. The firefighters put out the fire with no reported casualties. .........There is no word of what they did to the helicopter pilot!:12::me:
 
A man charges into A &E covered in blood. A nurse rushes up to him and says " Where are you bleeding from?"

He turned to her and said "Colchester!" :wink: :me:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

A final few words

Palmistry - sadly never knowing who your father was
Tentacles - glasses for campers
Twofold - Beginners Origami class
Worsted - A deeply unpopular bear
King's Cross Station - Prince Philip's lobster

and on Burns Night

Kneepads - advertisements for turnips
 
There once was a young man called Ben,
He went out to pull nurses again
He met one called Kate,
Had her laughing by eight,
But she had him in stitches by ten! :me: :wink:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

An English Cat , 123 and a French Cat , Un Dioux Trois decided to have a swimming race across the channel . The English Cat won paws down because Un Dioux Trois Cat Sank! :)
 
jokes bad or otherwise

An elderly couple are in Church , the wife leans over to the husband and says " I have just silently broken wind for the last 30 seconds what do you think I should do" . The Husband replies " well definitely replace the batteries in your hearing aid" !
 
A man and woman were arguing over their love life. It ended with the woman telling the man "you don't look after my needs!!"
He screamed back "Its your fault , you're rubbish in bed!" Then he stormed off to work.
Later he calmed down and phoned his wife to apologise, the phone rang and rang until she answered.
"You took a long time to answer, where were you?" he said.
She replied " I was getting a second opinion!!" :wink: :me:
 
My wife grabbed my new mobile and shouted "You're obsessed with this damn thing, you give it more attention than you do me. I'm gonna throw it at the wall!!" :46:

"Wait a minute" , I said "At least let me put it in flight mode !":13:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

A reciprocal Doddy Joke " What beautiful day for pushing a cucumber through someone's letter box and shouting here missus the Aliens are invading"
 
A woman heavily pregnant took ill and was in a coma for a month. When she came round she was no longer pregnant and frantically asked the doctor what had happened. "Its all right " he said."We delivered the babies ,a boy and a girl and your brother has looked after them. He even had them christened.!"
"That's nice "she said "what did he call them?"
The doctor said "he called the girl Denise!" " I like Denise !" she said " What did he call the boy?"
"Denephew !" said the doctor.:08::39:
 
I recently picked up a book by Max Miller -the cheeky chappie so I thought I would share a couple of things from it here:-

Now then here's a funny thing !

Adam and Eve in the Garden dwelt
They were so happy and jolly
I wonder how they would have felt
If all the leaves were Holly

That Eve as a very jealous woman when Adam came home from work she used to count his ribs
 
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