jokes bad or otherwise.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted "Doctor, Doctor I can`t feel my legs.
The Doctor replied "I know you can`t I have cut your arms off. BOOM BOOM
 
Why did the teacher write on the window??..........She wanted her lesson to be as clear as possible!;)
 
When my doctor asked me if I led an active life I told him about my most recent outdoors day.
"Well yesterday afternoon I waded across the edge of a deep lake, barely escaped from a wild pig in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a steep hill, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and nearly got bitten by a large brown snake".
Astounded by my story, the doctor said I must be an awesome outdoors man.
No I replied just a terrible golfer.:frown:
 
A man hears a knock at the door when he answers it there's a snail standing there. He picks it up and throws it as far as he can . Three years later there is a knock at the door again the snail is there . " What's that £$%&*! about , why did you do that" . " I cannot stand door to door snailsmen."
 
Teacher.............Can any one tell me the four seasons??

Pupil.................Football, Cricket . Hunting and Festive ,miss! :08:
 
My mate`s missus left him last week, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never came back.
I asked him how he was coping he said " Not bad, I`ve been using that powdered stuff":tongue:
 
Teacher.............What is the difference between Lightning and Electricity??

Pupil................We don't have to pay for lightning! :sneaky:
 
Pharmacist to customer:
"I already told you sir to buy an anti-depression pill you need a doctors prescription.
a marriage certificate and a picture of your wife is not enough"
 
A man knocked at my door yesterday asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a bottle of water!:roflmao:
 
Not a joke per say but an observation from Del Trotter's autobiography which made me laugh.

" I decided to expand the business and I got a contract for a Security Guard , so in exchange for some reddies on the hip I agreed to supply a Security Guard with a lot of military experience to look after a Garage overnight . So I got Rodney a uniform , well he has lots of military experience , well he played a lot with them Action Men Sorts when he was younger , he loved them , well they weren't actually Action Men as such they were just some knock off Barbie Dolls I had in the lock up and I just painted beards on them .:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top