jokes bad or otherwise.

Road signs are important for safety. For instance there is one outside a local school that says SLOW CHILDREN CROSSING!;)
 
According to a news report, a certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints .
Every night the maintenance guy would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back .
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance guy.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the guy who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little girls).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled mop, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
.
There are teachers.. . .
and then.......
there are educators!!
 
My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.

One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us."

There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, "Honey, it's for you...someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
 
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
 
One for Tony

YESTERDAY
Sung to the tune of the Beatles' song "Yesterday"

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
 
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.

"Yes."

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'
 
It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand.

“It must have been terrible,” said the government man to a farmer. “All that snow.”

“Could have been worse,” calmly answered the farmer. “My neighbor had more snow than me.”

“How’s that?” asked the government man.

“More land,” replied the farmer.
 
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