jokes bad or otherwise.

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went in to to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten."

The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. "

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

ADDITIONAL:
But wait! There's more...

The man actually had a heart attack ten times MILDER than his wife. Duh.
 
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I cannot look that old?" Well, I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way, way too old to have been my classmate...or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes. I did...I'm a Morgan Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely...and that ugly, old, wrinkled jerk asked, "What did you teach?"
 
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he confided in his teacher:

"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
 
Coffee! If you're not shaking, you need another cup!


Coffee: Starter fluid for the morning impaired.


Coffee! You can sleep when you're dead.


I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
 
A letter from the ointment people,.............. Dear Sir , After examining the unused portion of "The Ointment~" that you returned. We determined that you were actually using on your rash ,our all weather high grade silicon window caulking please discontinue use immediately!!:rolleyes:

The reply " So that explains the wide applicator!!":confused:
 
Eric Morecambe one liner....................

I know this great doctor, if you're ever at deaths door he'll pull you through!!:08:
 
A man walking with his friend says, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How so?"

"My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top