jokes bad or otherwise.

Stressed at work, harried by kids Carol decides to have a leisurely drive.Moving along steadily she starts to lose her cares and woes.Next thing a voice comes over the radio "!Attention all drivers, be aware of a driver heading the wrong way down the M1!"
Carol said "One ,there must be hundreds " as she swerved to avoid yet another oncoming car!! :confused::13:
 
A husband and wife went for a meal to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
He said to his wife" What do you want then ? A car, A new coat or jewellery??"
" Actually , what I really want is a divorce !" she said.
"Hells teeth" he said , "I wasn't intending to spend that much!":confused:
 
A wife got back home to find her usually DIY shy husband painting the kitchen. To her dismay she found him with an overcoat on and underneath that an anorak. When she asked why he pointed to the words on the tin "for best results apply two coats! " :confused::thumbsup:
 
A couple bought a very old mirror from an antique shop and hung it on the bathroom door.
One night the girl was looking into it and decided to try a spell
" Mirror Mirror on the door make my chest size 44"
suddenly there was a big flash and when the smoke cleared the girl was amazed to see the size of her chest

On seeing her the man went in the bathroom and decided to try the same thing

" Mirror Mirror on the door make my £$%^ touch the floor"
suddenly there was a big flash and when the smoke cleared and he was amazed to see he had lost both his legs :08:
 
While getting a checkup, a man tells his doctor that he thinks his wife is losing her hearing. The doctor says, "You should do a simple test. Stand about 15 feet behind your wife and say 'honey?' Move 3 feet closer and do it again. Keep moving 3 feet closer until she finally responds. Remember how close you were when she gives you an answer. That will help me know how bad her hearing loss is.

About a month later the same guy is at the doctor again and the doctor asks, "Well, did you do that experiment with your wife's hearing?"

The man says, "Yes."

"How close did you get before she answered?"

"Well, by the time I got about 3 feet away she just turned around and said, 'For the FIFTH TIME...WHAT???'"
 
After years of trying a middle aged couple who had two beautiful daughters decided one last try for the son they'd always wanted. They made it but the husband was not happy," this baby cant be mine "he said " look at my beautiful daughters ,you must have been cheating on me !"

His wife looked at his big bulbous nose and crooked teeth and said "Not this time"...........................
 
Police in Sweden pulled over a car driven by a woman. Her blood alcohol level turned out to be 10 times the legal limit. She asked for leniency , claiming that she had been driving with one eye closed to avoid seeing double!:12:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top