jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A Sunday School teacher in the lead up to Christmas is concerned about the children being confused with all the emphasis of it being toted as the time of Jesus's birth . He wanted to make sure they understood that his birth took place a long time ago and that he grew up etc . So he asked them " Where is Jesus today" . One boy raised his hand and said " He's in Heaven " . A little girl raised her hand and said " He's in our hearts " . A little boy then raised his hand and said " He's in our bathroom " . The teacher and the class look puzzled and so he ask the little boy how he knows that . " Well" the little boy says " every morning my dad bangs on the bathroom door and says Jesus Christ are you still in there !"
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A guy is standing in Trafalgar square on a box and by him he has a table with bottles labelled " The Magic Elixir of Life " and he is shouting the odds with a small crowd who have gathered . The more he tries to pitch the benefits of the tonic the more he gets heckled and shouted down , overall there are some really heated exchanges . Anyway the Police are called to what is now a disturbance and they cuff the guy selling the elixir . As they are taking him to the car one of them radios in with the guy's name to see if he is known to the police . Sure enough he has a charge sheet as long as your arm starting with stealing two groats worth of ale from the Olde Goat Inn in 1789 
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
How do snowmen get around ?
They ride an icicle !
I thought you might have said
They wait until Father Christmas pops in and look thirsty in the hope he offers!!
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?” The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.” Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, ok.”
So, he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, Thank God, ” and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, “Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God” and the horse just literally takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!” Finally he remembers, “AMEN!!” The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. The man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God”.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?” The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.” Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, ok.”
So, he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, Thank God, ” and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, “Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God” and the horse just literally takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!” Finally he remembers, “AMEN!!” The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. The man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God”.