jokes bad or otherwise.

I have so many problems that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it.
 
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know WHAT you gave me, but now when I pass gas although still silent they stink terribly."

"Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
 
A lady is at the Pet shop looking for a new pet . The owner suggests she buys a frog which not only is low cost in terms of feed it has many talents and can even satisfy your every desire , so the lady takes it. Two weeks later she is back at the shop complaining bitterly that the frog was useless and wanted her money back . The owner asks if she followed the instructions he gave her to the letter which she confirms . " I just don't understand it he is a highly trained frog . Just to prove it one way of the other would you be willing to try one more time , I have a bedroom in the back of the shop believe me you will not regret it" . Reluctantly she agrees and goes into the room and gets into bed . The owner then brings the frog in , places it on the bedside cabinet and tells it in no uncertain terms to concentrate because he is not going to show him again what he has to do ! :08:
 
We took the kids to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter Kaitlyn staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth.

Kaitlyn looked puzzled. "She doesn't know who Superman is?" I whispered to Jenny.

"Worse," Jenny replied. "She doesn't know what a phone booth is."
 
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word "mongooses." Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no fully stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
 
Last evening my wife and I are playing SkipBo. As we sat there I was eating peach pie and had a thought that I expressed to Chris, "I wonder why they don't make pear pies - they make pear tarts?"

She looks over and said, "Why can't they make a pair of pies if they can make a pair of tarts? I think they can make two pies at a time, sure they can."

I say, "I'm talking about a pie and a tart made of pears."

She says "I thought you were talking about making two pies at the same time."

She bends over in uncontrolled laughter while I sit quietly watching to see if she is bewitched or has just lost it.

Oh, she won SkipBo.
 
Two trucks, loaded with thousands copies of Roget's Thesaurus, collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied...
 
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