jokes bad or otherwise.

One day a Millionaire Banker was riding in his Rolls Royce when he saw a guy eating grass. He told his driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything thing to eat."

So the Banker said, "Poor chap, come back to my house."

The guy says, "But I have a wife and three kids." TheBanker told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The Banker replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!"
 
A man boards a bus with three babies and sits down next to an old lady . " My what lovely babies you have and its so refreshing that you are taking them out to give your wife a break " the old lady tells him .

The man replies "Oh these are not my babies I work in Customer Services at the Condom Factory and I am out dealing with these Customer Complaints !"
 
An Illinois lady left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. Her husband was on a business trip and was planning to meet her there the next day.

When she reached her hotel, she decided to send her husband a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which she had written his email address, she did her best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, she missed one letter and her note was directed instead to an elderly widow, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this on the screen:

Dearest Honey,

I just got checked in, everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.
 
Its the final of the Olympic Wrestling competition and there is an American wrestler in the final facing an undefeated Russian . The American's coach tells him he has a chance but if the Russian gets him in his specialist hold " The Pretzel" then he will be defeated.

Well the bout goes ahead and first few minutes they feel each others strength out when the Russian strikes and gets the American in the Pretzel . All looks lost when suddenly there is a huge scream , The Russian is hurled up in the air , lands heavily on the mat and the exhausted American lies on top of him to win by a pin .

The crowd goes wild , the American's coach is ecstatic and asks his protege how the hell he managed to break the Pretzel and win . " Well" the American Wrestler replies " While stuck in the Pretzel I was about to give up when I saw some private parts in front of my eyes so I stretched my neck and bit those jewels as hard as I could and you'd be surprised how much strength you gather when you find out they're your own!!"
 
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"
 
Two lifelong golfing buddies were discussing life "after "! They agreed that whoever went first would come back and tell the other about the golf.
Anyway one passed on and sure enough he came back to tell his buddy.
"He said " Do you want good news or bad ?" The one living said "good news first please "
The spirit one said "The golf is amazing, the greens immaculate , and the 19th hole has every tipple you can think of!"
His pal said "So what's the bad news??"
"Bad news is ,you're pencilled in to play next week!":39::eyesroll:
 
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey,Mate! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"
 
A newly married Husband and Wife check into a Hotel for their honeymoon and about 30 minutes later the husband comes downstairs with all his fishing tackle and dressed in waders and proceeds to go fishing in the local river . On his return the receptionist cannot resist asking him the obvious question. " Excuse me sir but why did you go fishing surely on your Honeymoon you would want to be with your bride especially as she is so stunning "

The groom replies " Well normally yes but she's got worms though hey they make good bait and I caught three trout!"
 
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