jokes bad or otherwise.

Doctors were asked to contribute ideas for the development of a new hospital wing ...


The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The obstetricians stated they were labouring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
 
More doctors said ...
The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.
The pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
The pediatricians said, "Grow up."
The proctologists said, "We are in arrears."
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
 
And yet more doctors stated ...
The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
 
This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help.
That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm! He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.

"Boss", he said. "The pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"

"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"
 
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles as a fund raiser. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced woman came to the door:

She: "What do you want, Sonny?"

He: "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?"

She: "Well! Do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?"

He: "S-s-sorry, Ma'am ... W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
 
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
 
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

One day her friend stopped her and -- noticing her well long, groomed nails -- asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."
 
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-pint of 2% milk, A box of 6 eggs, A small carton of orange juice, A small head of lettuce, A small jar of coffee and a pack of 6 rashers of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." :eek:
 
Barry is married to Jean who is one of identical twins . A year after getting married he is in the Divorce Court. The Judge asks him " Can you please explain why ,after a year, you are filing for divorce? "

" Well" Barrie starts " Sometimes my sister in law would come over and as they were truly identical I would make love to her in error."

The Judge asks " Surely there is some sort of difference?"

Barrie replies " You betcha there is , that's why I want the divorce!! "
 
A builder leaves work early when he arrives home he finds his wife in bed with another man . Angry he drags the man from the bed and takes to his garage where he clamps his private parts in a vice. Terrified the man screams " Please Please don't cut it off " to which the builder replies "I'm not, you are, I'm setting fire to the garage"
 
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realises that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!":eek2:
 
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.

"Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anaesthetist."
 
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