jokes bad or otherwise.

[captain clutterbuck]

2 Cars are in a head on collision,,

A man crawls out of the first car and a woman crawls out of the second,

"Wow" she says "both cars are write offs but neither of us has a scratch!"

" Look here as well, this bottle of wine is unbroken. I think we deserve a drink"

" I'm game" said the man

"Go ahead" she said" you first."

He drinks deeply and is just going to hand the bottle back when she says "no thankyou!"
" Dont you want any?" he said

" I think I'll just wait for the police! "she said.

One of his first posts on this thread which he made his own

 

[Barrychuckle]

One of his first posts on this thread which he made his own

I sadly joined this site too late to 'meet' George who started this thread. He too seemed a true fan who's posts I've loved to read over the years.

 

[Barrychuckle]

I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays

 

[Roger]

I bought a Womble pepper grinder today, it’s rubbish, everything is either underground or overground.

 

[Barrychuckle]

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

 

[Roger]

Some bloke just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar. I said, “Is that a fret?”

 

[Roger]

I bought a cheap wig this morning, it was a small price toupee.

 

[Bora Natty]

I saw a picture of Elton John this past week, and it looks like he's put on weight, I guess that means, goodbye normal jeans..

 

[Roger]

I saw my neighbour slumped over the lawn mower crying his eyes out, he said he’d just been through a rough patch.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Rather risque but not blue

I went to the pub the other day and my friend was slumped over his pint really on a downer. I asked what was wrong.

" It's my grandad he's passed away he was our rock taught me everything I know, always loyal to my grandma, tipped up his wages religiously on Friday, even made love to her, always on a Sunday, without fail until he died . I think it was something to do with the rhythm of the church bells and he would have still been alive today if that bloody Mr Whippy van hadn't of rocked up outside his house!!" Oh Matron !

 

[Barrychuckle]

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

 

[imitation700mb]

What price do roof slates cost? Nothing, they're on the house!

I won't tell you about the blunt pencil. There's no point.

 

[Roger]

I got a new job installing mirrors. It was something I could always see myself doing.