jokes bad or otherwise.

[imitation700mb]

My car broke down the other day. I rang the AA but found that Alcoholics Anonymous don't do breakdowns.

 

[Barrychuckle]

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

 

[Roger]

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked miserable, I thought to myself, ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

I overheard a lady saying she wouldn't let her son watch Peppa Pig because it encourages bad behaviour like jumping in puddles . I watched Roadrunner and Wile Coyote as a kid but I never blew anyone up with dynamite.

 

[Roger]

Went out last night and had a pelican curry, the food was all right, but the bill was huge!

 

[Onslow]

They say this Pickleball is all the rage but I don't understand it. I tried it the other day. By the time I gave up the court was a mess.

 

[Roger]

A suspect was charged with killing a man with sandpaper, in his defence he said, "I only intended to rough him up a bit”.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

An in house joke from The only diesel saxophone in captivity .
Compo and Goatie stuck up the tree.
Fire Chief: "It's normally cats not Pensioners"
Clegg: " How do you get them down"
Fire Chief: " Normally we just say here kitty kitty"

 

[Roger]

A man was in court for stealing a bag, it took just 3 minutes to get sentenced, it was a briefcase.

 

[maltrab]

I went to a Christening this weekend, I cannot believe that Mr & Mrs Royd have called their daughter Emma

 

[Graham]

Compos uncle suffered terribly with them.

 

[Roger]

As I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think perhaps I wasn't the best tour guide.

 

[Barrychuckle]

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

 

[Amos Hames 2]

I slept like a log last night . I woke in the fireplace

 

[Roger]

I asked the baker, "how come all your cakes are £1, but that one's £2?" He said, "that's Madeira cake".

 

[Barrychuckle]

I asked the baker, "how come all your cakes are £1, but that one's £2?" He said, "that's Madeira cake".

How apt as I'm reading that joke in Funchal !!!

 

[Barrychuckle]

Thank goodness for Venetian blinds, or it'd be curtains for the lot of us!

 

[maltrab]

Have you noticed that as you get older later gets earlier

 

[Roger]

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself, I wonder what his handicap is?

 

[Barrychuckle]

“I’ve just come back from a Caribbean holiday with the wife”
“Jamaica?”
“No, she wanted to come!”