jokes bad or otherwise.

I was filling out a form the other day and one of the questions said "List the names of all the dependants you are currently paying for"
In the answer I put "MPs, Greece, the rest of the EU, RBS, Northern Rock, asylum seekers and all the inmates of HM Prison Service".
 
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman, the G-spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
 
I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning.
As we were leaving the car park, somebody shouted, "You are an irresponsible father!"
I said, "Who said that? Stop the car, son."
 
I found my wife looking in her purse and seperating all her coins and putting them into neat little piles.
At that moment I realised , my wife was going through the change.
 
A woman says to her hubby, "Why don't you ever play golf with your old friend Malcolm anymore?"
He replied, "Would you play golf with somebody who cheats and never buys a drink at the 19th hole?"
"No."
"Neither will Malcolm."
 
Dear Guinness book of Records
I am writing to inform you I have a 12 inch piece of round black vinyl, with a hole in the middle, Is this a Record?
 
Police are Investigating a Glasgow Rangers fan after he threw a pound coin on to the pitch... the fan is claiming it was a missile aimed at a player not a take over bid !
 
A dog walks into a bar. The barman says, "Excuse me, but whose dog is this? The sign outside clearly says NO DOGS ALLOWED"
The dog says, "Well, I'm not just any dog you know."
The barman says, "So what makes you so special?"
 
My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said.

Being the nice guy I am, I thought :

"Bugger it, Why not, I'll give her a treat !"

So we walked past it again!
 
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