jokes bad or otherwise.

I woke up this morning to my budgie in it's cage going tweet tweet tweet.
I knew I shouldn't have bought it a lap top.
 
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Did you hear about the Jehova's Witness who couldn't get any of the doors to open on his Advent Calendar!
 
My mate was still critical when I visited him in hospital last night.
All he did was moan about the food, complain about the doctors and slag off all the nurses.
 
My mate told his wife that the only vegetable that can make him cry is an onion.
She proved him wrong when she hit him in the face with a turnip.
 
Blonde 1 "I think the man that invented the clock is a genius!"
Blonde 2, "Why is that?"
Blonde 1, “How did he know what time it was?"
 
My mates wife phoned him earlier.
"I've got some good news," she told him, "The air bags in the car work fine."
 
Just a reminder that Royal Mail have said that today is the last posting day if you want to guarantee delivery by Easter.
 
“I've been suffering from Psoriasis and I'm trying to think of an explanation”Said my mate scratching his head in puzzlement.
 
"Well, I presume it's going to be the same this Christmas isn't it?" said the wife. "Sexy undies and perfume."
"I suppose you're right," the husband replied. "So, that's your dad sorted. Now, what about your mum?"
 
"How're you getting on with the turkey?" shouted the wife
"Great!" came the reply "I'm almost finished plucking it,I just need to work out how I'm going to kill it."
 
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