jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
More unfortunate ads from USA although I alterd the $ to £
Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once.
Nordic Track £400. Hardly used. Call Chubby.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Snowblower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
Stock up and save. Limit one.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
Wanted Hair-cutter: Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for £2
Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once.
Nordic Track £400. Hardly used. Call Chubby.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Snowblower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
Stock up and save. Limit one.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
Wanted Hair-cutter: Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for £2
dick
LOTSW Fanatic
A CLEGGISM IF EVER THERE WAS ONE!! ;D
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
Another one from USA
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit.
The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over.
She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter for the children because me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do.
She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.
Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road. Then in another 50 yards, he turned, waved hopped and did it again in another 50 yards!
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be in that woman's spray can.
He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit.
The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over.
She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter for the children because me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do.
She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.
Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road. Then in another 50 yards, he turned, waved hopped and did it again in another 50 yards!
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be in that woman's spray can.
He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
George
Super Moderator
A bloke walks into A&E with two black eyes and a golf club wrapped tightly round his neck,
"What happened to you?" asked the doctor.
"Well" Said the chap,"I was playing golf with my wife,when she sliced her shot into a field with a herd of cows in it....I said I'd look for her ball,and when I saw a half round white shape sticking out of a cows behind,I lifted the tail and shouted 'This looks like yours' I can't remember much after that"
"What happened to you?" asked the doctor.
"Well" Said the chap,"I was playing golf with my wife,when she sliced her shot into a field with a herd of cows in it....I said I'd look for her ball,and when I saw a half round white shape sticking out of a cows behind,I lifted the tail and shouted 'This looks like yours' I can't remember much after that"
dick
LOTSW Fanatic
OUCH!
