jokes bad or otherwise.

My mate got his feet tangled up in a pair of his wife's knickers she'd left on the floor, causing him to fall down the stairs.
Luckily, they also slowed his descent.
 
It's a sort of cartoon version of another "That's when the fight started"

crcap130202_zps856ea3d4.gif
 
I recently saw a news article saying scientists have concluded every sentence you can possibly think of has already been said by somebody else.
I feel really sorry for whoever said "Oh dear, I've just cut my finger in this shark tank!"
 
The suspected remains of King Richard III have been found in a public car park in Leicestershire.
He didn't intend to be buried there but he overstayed his ticket by just five minutes and got clamped.
 
I remember when i used to go to the gym, there was always this one machine we used to always all fight to get on....
....it was full of mars bars and crisps and stuff.
 
Assistance required from a Weegie - please explain this one in today's Herald diary:

A MEMBER of staff at a major power company tells us colleagues from Newcastle attended a training day in Glasgow, wearing their company's bright yellow high-viz jackets on which was printed "Challenge me", reflecting the company's culture of challenging unsafe behaviour.
One of the chaps returned from a stroll around the city centre and asked what the "square go" was that a local youth had shouted at him.
 
Assistance required from a Weegie - please explain this one in today's Herald diary:

A MEMBER of staff at a major power company tells us colleagues from Newcastle attended a training day in Glasgow, wearing their company's bright yellow high-viz jackets on which was printed "Challenge me", reflecting the company's culture of challenging unsafe behaviour.
One of the chaps returned from a stroll around the city centre and asked what the "square go" was that a local youth had shouted at him.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=square go
 

For those who have not clicked on the link, Urban Dictionary quotes it as: "A fair fight, the implication being of no-interference by either sides mates. Heard often on the streets of every town and city in Scotland soon after pubs call last orders."

All my years in Scotland at last orders I never heard it. Suspect that far from "the streets of every town and city in Scotland" it is very much a Glasgow term. Mind, I have heard of a Glasgow kiss.

"Square go ya radge!"
 
The inventor of the Etch A Sketch has passed away.
His family tried to revive him by shaking him but he just disappeared.
 

For those who have not clicked on the link, Urban Dictionary quotes it as: "A fair fight, the implication being of no-interference by either sides mates. Heard often on the streets of every town and city in Scotland soon after pubs call last orders."
All my years in Scotland at last orders I never heard it. Suspect that far from "the streets of every town and city in Scotland" it is very much a Glasgow term. Mind, I have heard of a Glasgow kiss.
"Square go ya radge!"

Possibly more authoritative, the Glaswegian Dictionary:

Glaswegian Dictionary - Glasgow Terms and Phrases | Glasgowvant
www.glasgowvant.com

Thought I would throw in a few entries starting with "Square go":

Square go: Someone who is asking you to fight them will ask for a square go. The question would simply be phrased “Square go?!?”
Stoat: If someone is “stoating” they cant walk in a straight line without falling over. This would generally refer to someone who is inebriated.
Stoater: This can either be a very nice looking person, or something very good such as “a stoater of a goal”.
Stooky: A plaster, such as the type on a broken bone in the body.
Swagger: A specific type of walk, tending to be an over-confident and rather manly walk.
Tadger: Male genitals, penis, boabie, willy, wangdoodle, knob, cock, dick, johnson.

I do like that distinction between the verb, "stoat" and the noun, "stoater". It might have something to do with the Weegie appreciation of the state of "stoatism".
 
I went fishing last night and caught a nice Haddock.
When I got it home and gutted it, I found a syringe in it's belly.
I think it was a drug Haddock
 
I went fishing last night and caught a nice Haddock.
When I got it home and gutted it, I found a syringe in it's belly.
I think it was a drug Haddock

Reminded me of one of today's cartoons - okay, I know I have a warped imagination:

crcap130205_zps3569e339.gif
 
My son has been bugging me for weeks to help him build a tree house in the garden, so I have just been out to cut up some wood.
Maybe he'll shut up now the tree has gone.
 
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