jokes bad or otherwise.

Breaking news : Mortar found in car in Londonderry.
Patrick the builder said he is over the moon as he can now get on with finishing that wall..
 
My son walked into the living room with his homework book today and said, "Dad, I'm really struggling with this, can you help me?"

"Sure," I replied, taking hold of two corners, "Where do you want it?"
 
Three women had to cross a river. One found a genie in a bottle who granted them one wish each.
The first woman asked for a boat and rowed across the river.
The second asked for super powers to be able to jump across
The third asked to be a man and walked over the bridge
 
The local farmer knocked on my door today and said, "Can you do something about your dog, he keeps worrying my sheep."
"Has he been chasing them?" I asked.
He replied, "No, he's been telling them about global warming, world poverty and the economic crisis."
 
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper.
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I phoned them up at said, "The answer is -£5,000."
 
I've started drinking my shots out of a coffee mug...
my probation officer told me I needed to get a handle on my drinking problem.
 
It's brilliant how quickly the staff come to help you out at B&Q Warehouse when you start climbing up the shelf.
 
Two kids are chatting when one says "Why did you only spend 3 quid on your mum for mothers day then?"
"Its all she had in her purse!" came the reply
 
I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't tell her where we were going, just that it would be fun. Although usually a bit shy, she seemed excited to meet each colleague I introduced. On the way home, however, she seemed somewhat down.

"Didn't you have a nice time?" I asked.

"Well, it was okay," she responded. "But I thought it would be more like a circus."

Confused, I asked, "Whatever do you mean?"

She said, "Well, you said you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"
 
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