jokes bad or otherwise.

[George]

Every time I walk through sliding doors I make a swoosh noise.
It makes me feel like I'm Captain Kirk entering the bridge.

 

[George]

BBC News: Woman Fined for Bringing Horse into McDonald's Restaurant. Too right. Everyone knows you bring meat deliveries around the back.

 

[George]

So what are Will and Kate going to call the kid?
I reckon if it's a boy Marmaduke.
And if it's a girl Marmaduchess.

 

[George]

The wife cooked me sausage surprise tonight.
Beans on toast.

 

[barmpot]

So what are Will and Kate going to call the kid?
I reckon if it's a boy Marmaduke.
And if it's a girl Marmaduchess.

No Austin, after that famous 1950s car

AUSTIN CAMBRIDGE

 

[George]

My car broke down outside a massage parlour on Monday.
And again tomorrow.

 

[dick]

My car broke down outside a massage parlour on Monday.
And again tomorrow.

;D

 

[George]

The trouble with the British is that we have far too many mountains and nowhere near enough molehills.

 

[Big Unc]

The trouble with the British is that we have far too many mountains and nowhere near enough molehills.

Did I ever pass on the Baptist Bra' joke?

 

[George]

The trouble with the British is that we have far too many mountains and nowhere near enough molehills.

Did I ever pass on the Baptist Bra' joke?

No

 

[George]

As the doctor went through my notes, he said, "The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection."
I said, "How come?"
He said, "Well ... your wife is very ugly."

 

[George]

I've just heard on the news that Police are looking for a suspected mugger; described as having muscular arms with tattoos and a big stomach. Now I'm panicking and waiting for a knock on the door...

...I think it's the wife.

 

[George]

I met my wife at Specsavers.
I should have gone to Boots.

 

[George]

My mate Jimmy hates it when people call him Jock.
He's Welsh.

 

[Beth]

My mate Jimmy hates it when people call him Jock.
He's Welsh.

This American doesn't get it. ???

Well maybe you shouldn't explain it.....

 

[dick]

Jock is usually reserved for Scottish people. Taffy is usually for Welsh men

 

[Beth]

Jock is usually reserved for Scottish people. Taffy is usually for Welsh men

Thanks Dick! Sorry George. Don't you hate it when people like me ask to explain the joke. :

 

[Big Unc]

Jock is usually reserved for Scottish people. Taffy is usually for Welsh men

Minor correction though it might have been what you intended anyway. Like Taffy for Welsh men, Jock is also for Scots men.

I would tend to use Jocks and Taffs for the Scots and Welsh in general though whereas the Scots don't seem to mind Jock, I understand the Welsh are not so keen on Taff.

 

[Elmc]

Jock is usually reserved for Scottish people. Taffy is usually for Welsh men

Minor correction though it might have been what you intended anyway. Like Taffy for Welsh men, Jock is also for Scots men.

I would tend to use Jocks and Taffs for the Scots and Welsh in general though whereas the Scots don't seem to mind Jock, I understand the Welsh are not so keen on Taff.

So if your name is Jim you might be called Taff??

 

[Big Unc]

So if your name is Jim you might be called Taff??

Is that not the whole ethos of nicknames. Whatever your own name you get called something to do with some attribute you have. If you are the only Scot in a group you might be called Jock. If you are very tall you might get called Lofty. Or, ironically, if you are very short you might get called Lofty (as in 'It ain't Half Hot, Mum').