jokes bad or otherwise.

THIS IS A TRUE STORY READ IT AND WONDER

LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR.

This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.


A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.


Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'


The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.


The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)


Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.


This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/oct/15/law.theguardian
This article from the Guardian(dated 2002) and many other sources on the net pour cold water on this story and write it off as an urban myth that has been doing the rounds since the 60's ???
 
All my Christmas shopping is done, and I didn't even have to leave the house!
Not because of the Internet; I'm an orphan with no mates.
 
I work making coins for the Royal Mint but me and the other staff all went on strike today.
We want to make less money.
 
A policeman stopped me on the motorway.
He said, "Sir, I get the impression you've been drinking tonight."
"Sorry," I replied, "Was I driving too fast?"
"Driving?" He replied, "You were skipping."
 
Women: they tell you to get a different hair cut, to buy new clothes, to listen to different music...
And then they leave you because "you've changed."
 
How do snails keep their shells shiny?

They use snail varnish!!

Do not blame me - it was in a cracker at today's Christmas event!
 
Why does Father Christmas always go down the chimney?

Because it soots him!!


Do not blame me - it was in a cracker at today's Christmas event!
 
Who's the bane of santa's life?

The elf and safety officer!!

Do not blame me - it was in a cracker at today's Christmas event!
 
A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were gorgeous, and not shy of showing off their assets. Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food and service was good and the wine selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator. Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before and heard it was quite good.
 
I picked up a roll of wrapping paper for my son's Christmas present today.
It cost me 50p so I hope he likes it.
 
RAINER Hersch, the comedian, broadcaster and classical musician, who brings his popular Johann Strauss gala concert back to Dundee, Aberdeen, Glasgow and Edinburgh next month, likes to ask the questions no-one else asks.
"You know wherever you go in the world, in whatever city," goes one of his favourite lines, "there's always a group of musicians from Peru playing the bloody pan pipes. Has anybody out there been to Peru? In the pedestrian zones are there groups of musicians from Europe doing string quartets?"

Super superstitions

TOUCH wood, Glasgow journalist Deedee Cuddihy's latest book will be a resounding success.
Entitled Scottish Superstitions, it teems with superstitions volunteered by interviewees.
There are some oddities, like this one: "I remember as a wee girl watching an ambulance go by and the person I was with saying you had to hold onto your collar and keep holding it until you saw a dog."
Any other offbeat superstitions out there?

Festive gem

THE spirit of Christmas certainly hasn't been lost on one couple we know.
As the bloke posts on Facebook: "------ gave me her Christmas list. I said, 'Isn't my undying love and affection enough?' We laughed and laughed. I am now in H Samuel."

Scholarly proposition

INTELLECTUAL jokes, continued. This from Bill Lowry: a teacher is quizzing each of her children in turn with a suitable grammatical question.
She comes to wee Tommy, the classroom hooligan, and decides it wouldn't do to leave him out.
"Tommy," she says, "give me a sentence with two prepositions in it."
Tommy: "Who, me?"

Fuelling further reading

AND still the pilot anecdotes continue to land, one after the other.
Reader Bert Peattie and his wife once flew to the Canaries with the old Spanish airline Aviaco.
His wife, who hated take-offs and landings, was perturbed to hear the pilot announce the plane would be making an unscheduled refuelling stop at Bilbao.
On the return flight Bill asked the stewardess if the same thing would happen again. She wandered up to the cabin, and returned minutes later to tell Bill: "He doesn't know yet."
"I had a vision," says Bill, "of the pilot tapping the fuel gauge and asking his co-pilot, 'Do you think that's enough to get us to Edinburgh?'"

Commons cold

LAST word on George Osborne's showpiece Commons statement last week.
John Delaney tells us: "Over the weekend I was catching up with the Chancellor's Autumn Statement, delivered last Wednesday, on a day of thick frost and snow. I couldn't help wondering - why should we trust his predictions for the economy in the future, if he doesn't even know which season it is now?"

Artistic lair

AND finally … reader George Crawford sends us this, which we reprint without comment.
"On telling my wife of the article in Saturday's Herald Magazine about some young artists exhibiting in the old Greenock Sugar Sheds, Susan instantly responded with, 'Any of them Cubists?'
"See up with what I have to put?"
 
I checked out the Wikipedia insert you gave before I read the joke. I liked it!

I also like learning traditions from the "ole country". Sometimes I can see similarities in things here. :)
 
I picked up a roll of wrapping paper for my son's Christmas present today.
It cost me 50p so I hope he likes it.
It would actually be a great present for any child under 3. My daughters always played with the paper and boxes their presents came in. ;)

 
I hate watching tv after 2am.
What is it with those people in the bottom right hand corner who think they can dance?
 
Back
Top