jokes bad or otherwise.

jokes bad or otherwise

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson have gone camping . At some point during the night Holmes asks Watson to look up and tell him what he sees . "Millions of Stars Holmes" is the reply. " And what do you deduce from that Watson" . " Well amongst those stars there must be some planets and some of those may have an atmosphere similar to Earth and therefore there may be life" . Holmes takes a minute and then replies " Watson you are an utter buffoon , it means some £$%"& has stolen our £$%"! tent!" :)
 
A woman went to the market. She asked the stallholder the price of Mangoes." £1 for two " came the reply.

"How much for 1" she asked 75p was the reply.
" In that case " she said "can I buy the other 1 ??":wink:
 
2 Boys were having a school dinner. One says to the other "I just found a feather in my pudding!"
The other boy says "Stands to reason!" The first boy says "Why's that?"
The other says, "My mum knows the cook, and she always uses Birds Custard!":wink:
 
A tired nurse walks into the Post Office after an 18 hour shift. She gets to the front of the queue and takes a rectal thermometer from her bag and tries to write with it.
" Flaming typical !" she says. " Some a*****es got my pen!!" :me:
 
A husband and wife had not been getting on so good. One day she went shoplifting and was caught with a can of peaches.

"How many peaches were in the can?" asked the judge ".6 your honour!". came the reply
The judge said "I must give you one months custody for each peach !" he told her.
Just then the husband shouted from the gallery, "She stole a bag of peas ,as well judge!" :me::wink:
 
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend! 8)

A successful woman is one who can find such a man! ;) :me:
 
A weary wife is in the kitchen one morning when she hears a key scratching at the front door. Eventually it slots into place and in staggers her husband bleary eyed. He slumps at the kitchen table and grins sheepishly at her.

"You'd better have a darned good reason for coming home at this hour!!" she yells. :unhappy:
"Breakfast!" he says. ;D :me:
 
What did the duck say in the chemist when it went to buy lipstick??
Can you put it on my bill? :wink:
 
A worried wife went to the police station, her husband hadn't been home for a few days. After taking all the particulars the sergeant asked " If we manage to locate him, is there a message you would like us to give him?"

"Yes !" came the reply. "Tell him mother didn't come after all!":30::me:
 
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