jokes bad or otherwise.

[onyx(John)]

I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

 

[onyx(John)]

A man appears at the door of a night club, instead of a tie he has a set of jump leads around his neck. The bouncer looks at him for a moment and then says "OK, you can come in, but don't start anything."

 

[captain clutterbuck]

The BBC have announced a new show for John Sergeant in which he will look at the tabloid newspapers this week . In the first episode he discusses an article on painting groups who are facing prohibition from continuing . The show has the title:-

Sergeant's Papers Only Art Clubs Banned

 

[dick]

Why do you say Egyptians invented tennis??

The Bible speaks of Joseph serving in Pharaohs court!! :thumbsup:

 

[dick]

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of the tennis court??

Annette .

 

[dick]

What do math teaching mermaids wear?? ...........Algae-bras!:roflmao:

 

[dick]

What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen!

 

[captain clutterbuck]

A few one liners

A device to chop heads of Jelly Babies - Gelatine
A Goblet made by Apple - Eye Glass
An old folks home - Granary
How you feel after Irish Dancing -Jigsaw
Lamb Shank - Sean Connery's sheep drowning

 

[dick]

Why do you see a lot of swimmers on their backs.?? ..................Its dangerous to swim on a full stomach they say!

 

[dick]

Last night I fell down a deep dark hole full of water. I couldn't see that well . :roflmao:

 

[dick]

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals??

Felipe Flop! :roflmao:

 

[gill]

What did the female phone say to the male phone. Would you like to get engaged

 

[dick]

What's the most mathematical part of language?? .............The add-verb! o:

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Can't afford to get the dog groomed professionally ? ............. throw a stick through the Car Wash

 

[captain clutterbuck]

It has been reported in the Biblical Times that Noah has set sail in the Ark for the 10th time . He is confident he will reach safety this time after returning the woodpeckers to the wild.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

As Noah sets sail his son Ham apologises for leaving all the shovels on shore .

 

[dick]

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You only need the parachute if you want to skydive more than once!:sneaky: :thumbsup:

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Consuming too much herbal tea
can interfere when you go for a pee
when out on the razzle
you tend to pass basil
but last night old Basil passed me!

 

[captain clutterbuck]

The BBC have proposed a new programme for the Autumn schedule , Celebrity Fish Wrestling , working title " Between a Rock Salmon and a Hard Plaice"

 

[dick]

Schoolboy howler...............

Moses brought the ten commandments down from Mt Cyanide