jokes bad or otherwise.

Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.

Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw , and an empty saucer.

They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker."

But before they could finish the waitress interrupted, "Oh, sorry about that."

She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
 
Two days after summer vacation ended, Johnny's teacher called his Mom to report that he was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," said Johnny's Mom. "I had him all summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"
 
A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."
 
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll shoot you." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.

The Ranger asked a local to translate his message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger anxiously. The local answered, He say, "He no afraid to die!"
 
It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand.

“It must have been terrible,” said the government man to a farmer. “All that snow.”

“Could have been worse,” calmly answered the farmer. “My neighbor had more snow than me.”

“How’s that?” asked the government man.

“More land,” replied the farmer.
 
A man decided to be a monk. He went to a monastery and joined. However he was told it was a virtually silent order.He could only speak on one day a year, and then only two words.
First year his two words were "Food Cold!" Next year it was "Bed Hard!" Third year it was "Robe Dirty!"

Fourth Year his words were "I Quit!" The head of the monastery said "About time too, You've done nothing but complain since you arrived!!":20:
 
Doctor ,doctor !! I keep wanting to sing Delilah!:39:
I think you may have Tom Jones disease .:08:
Is that rare??:39:

It's not unusual!:08:
 
A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar....................

Or so the government would have us believe!:sneaky:
 
A teacher asked the class , what was the most rewarding present that they had received.
A boy piped up "A mouth organ sir !"
"How is that rewarding ?" asked teacher.
" Well sir ,every time I play it my mum gives me 50p to stop!:sneaky:
 
WIFE..................Did we pay for our satellite dish ??

HUBBY.............No, the man who installed it said it was on the house!:42:
 
A Man goes into the Bar and orders a beer . He takes a sip of the beer and hears a tiny voice say "Nice Tie" . He ignores it and takes another sip and hears the tiny voice again say " and I love the shirt where did you get it" . Well he grabs the Barman and asks him why when he has a drink he keeps hearing voices . " Ah" says the Barman " Its the Peanuts on the Bar , they are Complimentary" :08:
 
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