jokes bad or otherwise.

Four surgeons are discussing who they like to operate on. The first states he likes Accountants because when you open them up everything is in numerical order , the second states librarians because when you open them up everything is in alphabetical order , the third states electricians because everything is colour coded . The fourth states it would be politicians which puzzles the other three " Well they are heartless , spineless, gutless and their head and backside are interchangeable"
 
Eventually you reach that point in life where you stop lying about your age. Unfortunately you then start bragging about it!;):08:
 
A man goes to a garage to buy a new car and asks the Salesman if he can do him a deal to which the Salesman says " Sure man I can let you have it for £9000 less six percent " . Unable to work out the cost he says he will be back soon as he sorts the money with his bank. On his way to the Bank he bumps into a blonde female friend of his . " Hi Julie if you were offered a deal for £9000 less six percent what would you take off " . Julie replies " Everything except my earrings and lipstick!"
 
Possibly already had this..........................
Teacher is attempting to explain gender in nouns. He said to a boy, "In terms of grammar how would you describe an egg?"
The boy said "A noun sir"
Teacher said "How would you describe the gender?"

The boy replied " Impossible to say sir, till its hatched!":sneaky:
 
A woman is looking for a new pet at the Pet store when she spots a parrot for £50 and decides to buy it . As she is paying for it the owner pipes up " I must warn you that the parrot's previous owner was a Madam is a House of Ill Repute " . Well the lady thinks cannot be that bad so she decides to go ahead and takes the parrot home .

When she takes the cover off the cage the Parrot pipes up " New House , New Madam " . Well that's not too bad the lady thinks . A little later her two daughters come in from work and Parrot pipes up again " New House , New Hookers " . The lady thinks that's not so good but at least it didn't swear, at which point her Husband comes from the garden the Parrot pipes up "Hello Fred"
 
Teacher...............Where would you expect to find an Oboe??

Little William................Oboes live on the streets sir!:sneaky:
 
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were.

"I'm so tough," said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week."

"Well," said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day."

"That's nothing," said the third boy. "When my parents take me to see my grandma and grandpa, I can wear them out in just one hour."
 
A man has to take on up a sport at the advice of his doctor, so he decides
to play tennis.

fter a couple of weeks his buddy asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine",
the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards
me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash!
Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" his friend asks enthusiastically.

"Then my body says: Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!"
 
A old lady rang 999 and said " please help me my Parrot has flown away and I don't know what to do " . " I'm Sorry Madam" the operator replied " But you shouldn't be ringing 999 for this it's only for emergencies " . The old lady pipes up " It is my poor Joey has flown away and I don't know what to do" .
Sensing the lady is distress the Operator tries to help " Hopefully Joey will just fly back or when he speaks his and your name someone local will recognise them and return him to you ". " No No you don't understand " retorts the lady " he only knows a few words , Here Kitty Kitty!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top