jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
City lawyer tries to make this farmer look dumb, but he never expected the farmer to say THIS…
Farmer Steve decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer interrogated Farmer Steve.
“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?”‘ asked the lawyer.
Farmer Steve responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Suzie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’”
Farmer Steve said, “Well, I had just got Suzie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Steve’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”
Farmer Steve thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Suzie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Suzie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Suzie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Suzie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”
“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”
“Now what the hell would you say?”
Farmer Steve decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer interrogated Farmer Steve.
“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?”‘ asked the lawyer.
Farmer Steve responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Suzie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’”
Farmer Steve said, “Well, I had just got Suzie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Steve’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”
Farmer Steve thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Suzie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Suzie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Suzie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Suzie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”
“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”
“Now what the hell would you say?”
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A little old lady goes to the Doctor and asks " Can you please help me I am troubled with terrible wind but there is no smell and there is no noise " The Doctor then prescribes her some tablets and tells her to take them three times a day . Two weeks later the lady is back and tells the Doctor " I still have terrible wind there is no noise but the smell is awful " . The Doctor replies " Ah well that's good we seem to have cleared up your sinus problem we just need to arrange to get your ears syringed "
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A Dad is worried that his teenage son Fred is increasingly swearing when using his every day sentences so he decides to consult a friend who is a child psychologist . " What you need to do as Christmas is coming up is ask him what he wants for Christmas and if he swears replace that present with a pile of Dog poop " .
When he gets home he asks his son what presents he would like for Christmas . "Well " the Son pipes up " On Christmas day when I wake up I want a £$%& Polo Shirt next to me on my bed , when I go down I want a £$%&* stereo system under the tree and when I go outside I want a brand new $£$%% bike on the drive "
Christmas day comes the boy rolls over straight into a pile of dog poop , he goes downstairs puts his hand under the tree straight into a pile of dog poop. Finally he steps outside straight into another pile of dog poop . When he comes back into the house the father asks him what he got for Christmas . " I think i got a %%%$££ Dog but I cannot %%$$£ find it anywhere"
When he gets home he asks his son what presents he would like for Christmas . "Well " the Son pipes up " On Christmas day when I wake up I want a £$%& Polo Shirt next to me on my bed , when I go down I want a £$%&* stereo system under the tree and when I go outside I want a brand new $£$%% bike on the drive "
Christmas day comes the boy rolls over straight into a pile of dog poop , he goes downstairs puts his hand under the tree straight into a pile of dog poop. Finally he steps outside straight into another pile of dog poop . When he comes back into the house the father asks him what he got for Christmas . " I think i got a %%%$££ Dog but I cannot %%$$£ find it anywhere"
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates and approach St Peter . The first utters " John Palowski New York Taxi driver " . St Peter gives him a gold trimmed white silk robe and a golden staff and bids him enter the kingdom of heaven and enjoy eternal life.
The second man comes forward " Father John O'Malley Catholic Priest Cork , Ireland " . St Peter gives him a plain white cotton robe and wooden staff.
The priest then pipes up " How can that be , I, a Priest and a man of god are given a wooden staff and cotton robe yet a Taxi Driver is given a silk robe and golden staff "
"It's all based on results , you preached and your congregation slept , when John drove people prayed!"
The second man comes forward " Father John O'Malley Catholic Priest Cork , Ireland " . St Peter gives him a plain white cotton robe and wooden staff.
The priest then pipes up " How can that be , I, a Priest and a man of god are given a wooden staff and cotton robe yet a Taxi Driver is given a silk robe and golden staff "
"It's all based on results , you preached and your congregation slept , when John drove people prayed!"
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Brenda O'Malley is busy making the dinner when there's a knock at the door . When she opens it Tim Finn is standing there , " Can I please come in Brenda " . " Of course you can but where's my husband Jack " . " I so sorry Brenda but Jack has died , there was a terrible accident at work he fell into a Vat of Guinness and he drowned ".
" Drowned , Oh God did he at least go quickly ?" . " Not Really Brenda he got out three times to go for a pee"
" Drowned , Oh God did he at least go quickly ?" . " Not Really Brenda he got out three times to go for a pee"