jokes bad or otherwise.

Two ministers meet up after their Sunday Service by cycling to the local coffee shop . On this one Sunday as one Minister pulls up on his bike he notices the other walking to the Coffee Shop . " You are not going to believe it but I came out of the Church today and one of the Congregation has stolen my bike !!" . " That's shocking if you want your bike back, next Sunday give them the fire and brimstone treacle sermon on the Ten Commandments and the guilty person will return your bike without fail" .

Next Sunday comes and sure enough as the first minister arrives at the Coffee Shop he sees the second minister riding up on his bike . " Well I see it worked what happened?" . " Well I did as you said and I started to give the full blown fire and brimstone speech and when I got to Adultery I remembered where I left my bike!"
 
Teacher............What noise do's a cow make?? Class............Moo miss:21:

Teacher............What noise do's a cat make?? Class ............Mieeow miss:42:

Teacher ............What noise do's a mouse make? Little Johnny .............It goes click miss!:smile::08:
 
A Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my tool?"

Elephant replies "What does it look like?"
Lion: "Well it's got four points on it"
Elephant: "Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse"
So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks "Have you seen my tool?"
Mouse: "What does it look like?"
Lion: "Well it's got four points on it."
Mouse: "Sorry mate, I've not seen it, try croc."
So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks "Have you seen my tool"
Croc: "What does it look like?"
Lion: "Well it's got four points on it."
Croc: "Sorry I've not seen it, try Jaguar"
So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks "Have you seen my tool?"
Jaguar: "Of course, I ate it."
Lion: "Why did you do that?"
Jaguar: "Well I'm a four point tool eater Jaguar" :08:
 
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 England v. Wales Rugby match. They are box seats including travel and hotel accommodation. He didn`t realise that this was the same day as his wedding.. so he can`t go. If you are interested to go instead of him it`s at St Peters Church West Mosely at 3pm. Her name is Susan and will be the one in a white dress.
 
TEACHER.................Can anyone tell me the number of seconds in a year??

JOHNNY................Twelve sir, second of January ,second of February and so on !:08:
 
Someone has set up a dating line for singles . A lonely Frog rings up to see if there are any matches for him, hoping to find a young lady who will kiss him and he can transform into a handsome young man . The girl manning the phone for the agency takes his details and agrees to sound out potential dates . a couple of days later she rings the Frog back " You're in luck we have found a very young attractive student who would love to get to know everything about you . We obviously suggest that you both meet in a place which is neutral . The girl is a student and would like you to meet at the University on Friday at 10:00 . She said you should go to the Reception desk and ask for directions to the Biology lab !" .
 
Paul was trying his new Mercedes, Roof open and wind blowing through his hair . He notices a blue light flashing behind him and thinks "they cant catch me" putting his foot down he races away. The blue light stays on his tail and finally he pulls over. The traffic cop comes up to him and says "I've had a tough shift, if you can give me an original excuse for speeding I can save myself the paperwork and let you off with a caution!"
Paul looked at the cop and said "Last week my wife ran off with a traffic cop, I was afraid he was trying to give her back!"
The policeman looked at him , smiled and said, "Enjoy the rest of your evening sir!":08::cautious:
 
An Irishman goes into the bar and orders a beer standing next to the only other person in the bar and decides to strike up a conversation with him . " Well hello there what nationality are you" . " I'm Irish " the man replies . The first man says " That's funny I'm Irish to , where in Ireland are you from " . " Dublin " is the retort , "Let's have another drink to celebrate " the first man says . " Well would you believe it I'm from Dublin as well , where in Dublin do you live" . " Well I live in Reilly Street " . " Unbelievable I'm from Reilly Street also what school did you go to " . " St Mary's left 1962 " . " Well that's just uncanny I went on St Mary's an left in 1962" .

At that Flannagan comes in for a pint " How are things going Mick " he says to the Barman . " Quite Well " he replies . " The O'Connell twins are hammered again but other than that , fine !"
 
A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.

The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."

Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing"? the farmer asked.

The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
 
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