jokes bad or otherwise.

A couple took a puddle-jumping flight with 4 stops on the way to Dallas. At the first stop, a little white truck drove up to the plane's wing.

Wife: "What's that truck doing?"

Husband: "We're taking on more fuel."

The refueling process was repeated at the next two stops as well. At the last stop before Dallas:

Husband: "Ya know, in spite of all these delays, we're making pretty good time."

Wife (pointing out the window): "Maybe -- but that li'l white truck is keeping up with us!"
 
Adam and Eve are in the garden of Eden and Eve is giving him a hard time . "Why are you so late you've been drinking again" . "I haven't " replies Adam "smell my breath" .
Eve continues " well if you haven't been drinking it must be another woman , you've been seeing another woman , I knew you would , you don't like me anymore " . " How can I be seeing another Woman , there aren't any more woman only you!" . They retire to bed and then in the middle of the night Adam wakes up with a really bad pain in his chest as he opens his eyes he sees Eve digging him in the chest with her knuckles . "Why are you doing that ??? " . "Well" said Eve " I didn't believe you so I'm counting your Ribs!!"
 
A priest had his remaining teeth removed and had new dentures fitted . The first Sunday after the fitting he only preached for ten minutes, the second Sunday 20 minutes but on the third Sunday he did an hour and a half . Asked by his parishioners why there was such a difference he explained " On the first Sunday my gums were sore , on the second the dentures were irritating me and on the third I grabbed my wife's set by mistake!"
 
You know you 're old when you start stories with "when I was young " ...............and end them with " you'll see when you get to my age !" :08::roflmao:
 
A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $1.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it.

The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a single dollar bill in change. As he did, the clerk said, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

"No wonder," the gorilla replied, "at nine dollars a sundae."
 
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, it was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos.

The bride slapped the groom.

The groom's mother fainted.

The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
 
Two brawny men came to to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, they were asked to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men said that would cost an additional $145 service fee, stating it was not in their contract. The homeowner really had no choice but to pay them.

As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked the homeowner to move a car that was blocking their van.

The homeowner told them there would be a fee for that: $145.
 
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

“How?" asks the man, puzzled. “Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

Boom boom!!
 
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