jokes bad or otherwise.

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub to brush off the sand.

A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever.”

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life.”

"Okay, then, I want to die after parliament balances the budget, creates zero unemployment and there is no national debt.”
 
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a policeman.

"What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh, yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
 
A young soldier was up before his commanding officer for a reprimand.

After going through a list of his misdemeanors the CO says, "And another thing, I didn't see you in camouflage practice this morning."

"Thank you, Sir," the soldier replied.
 
A husband and wife have 6 children and its been ages since they were out socially but eventually they get invited to a party . Well all goes well they are having a great time but the husband is feeling really tired however , the wife is full of beans and really enjoying it . At 3 am having had enough the husband grabs his wife and says " Oh Mother of Six I'm tired I think we should go home " to which the wife angrily replies " Well I suppose so Father of Four!"
 
A husband and wife are celebrating 25 years and he wants to do something special so he asks her what she would really like to eat . " I've never tried snails and I really would like to" . So he sets off to the market where he finds a shop selling live snails and buys a bucket full . On his way home he stops for a coffee and gets talking to a really attractive young lady who invites him back to her place .

Well one thing leads to another and they end up making passionate love for hours . Suddenly he realises his wife is waiting for the snails so he says his goodbyes and hot foots it home . He knocks on the door and hears his angry wife stomping to answer it, he's so nervous he drops the bucket and all the snails fall out . When his wife answers the door he utters " Come on boys just a few more steps and well be there!"
 
A husband asks his wife what she'd like for her birthday . "I just want to be 6 again nothing would make me happier"

Next day they are up early and the husband makes her breakfast Coco Pops and milk followed by jelly and cream . They jump in the car and he whisks her off to the local theme park where he takes her on the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. He decides she needs to eat so its straight to McDonalds for a happy meal and a chocolate milk shake. Next stop is the pictures to see Star Wars accompanied by popcorn, hot dog , pepsi.

Finally they make it home , his wife is exhausted and feeling sick . "Have you enjoyed being six again darling?" . " Don't you darling me I wanted to be a size 6 you dollup , fat chance of that with what you @£$%" made me eat today!!!"
 
A man is having an affair with a married woman whilst they are in bed together her husband comes home early . Quickly the woman tells the man to hide in the bathroom and she jumps into bed . Her husband comes in and asks " What's going on why are you in bed in the afternoon " . " I was taking a nap waiting for you coming home from work" the woman replies . " But you're naked " the husband retorts . " I know but I just wanted to make love to you as soon as you got home " the wife responds .

" That's great but I think I'll take a shower first" . He goes to the bathroom and finds the man . " Who the *£$% are you " . Quickly the man replies " Pest control man , your wife called me because you have been besieged by an eclipse of moths " . " But your naked " the husband replies . " I know those little $%&&*£s have eaten my clothes. :08:
 
A ship sinks two guys grab what they can before jumping in a lifeboat . Having been adrift for a few days they look through the things the grabbed and they find an old lamp. We they decide there's nothing to lose so one of them rubs it and a Genie appears. " I grant you one wish my good men what will it be" the Genie utters. Without thinking one of the men blurts out " I want you to turn the Sea into the finest Ale" there is a loud bang and flash of light and the Sea turns into the finest Ale . At which the Genie disappears . The other man turns to his mate " You big muffin you didn't think it through , you do realise the only place we can now have a pee is inside the boat!!!! "
 
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