jokes bad or otherwise.

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
 
An Englishman , Scotsman and Irishman are swimming in the South China Seas when they are captured by Pirates who incarcerate them in the brig . Just before locking them up the Captain says they are allowed to take one item with them into the Brig.

The Englishman requests booze, the Scotsman opts for women and the Irishman cigarettes.

Twenty years later the Captain decides to release them. The Englishman comes out absolutely hammered . The Scotsman comes out with the women and several red haired kids. The Irishman comes out and asks " Anyone got a light!!!" :fp::tw:
 
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a Doctor's surgery . Bill was crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. I have had the blood test and they cut my finger.

On hearing this Bob burst into tears .

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"

Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
 
A dentist pulls out a syringe to give a man anaesthetic to freeze his gums, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the Nitrous Oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'

The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.'

The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'

It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to grip when I pull your tooth. :eek:
 
On the sixth day God turned to the Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Scotland, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic hills full of sheep and cattle, and birds of prey, beautiful sparkling lochs bountiful with salmon and trout, forests full of deer, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with fish."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper and deep fry everything , I shall call these inhabitants Scots, and they shall be known as the most fearsome people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Scots people?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them." :eek::30: [Sure Brian will appreciate this , its self deprivation but I am of Scottish descent ]
 
THE HOKEY POKEY, SHAKESPEAREAN STYLE

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within,
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
 
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