jokes bad or otherwise.

[captain clutterbuck]

After that joke Barrie think Tony needs to add the emojis to the like symbols

 

[Barrychuckle]

"I've just come back from a holiday to Poole"
"In Dorset?"
"Yes I'd recommend it to anyone..."

(just for you CC!)

 

[Roger]

Last night I bought an alcoholic ginger beer, he wasn't happy about it.

 

[Amos Hames 2]

I'm tired. I've been on my feet all day. It's the only way I can stand up

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Dermot and Finnegan two Irish Paraffin lamps[tramps] are in need of hot food on a cold night when they wonder past a Church with a sign outside saying Free Soup for all, please come in.

Dermot says to Finnegan "I'll go in first then you can follow along after me" Dermot goes in and is met by the Priest who beckons him forward and says "You are welcome to some soup but will you answer some simple questions first"

"What religion are you " the Priest asks ." I am not religious in the slightest sir can I have my soup please"
" So not Catholic, Jewish, Hindu , C of E " " No Sir none of them or any can I have my soup now "
" Have you heard of Jesus Christ " " No sir who is he can I have my soup"
" Well do you know who killed Jesus Christ" "No sir and you know what forget the soup!"

Dermot walks out the church and bumps into Finnegan who is about to go in. " Forget it there Finnegan , you don't want to go in there , there's a murder enquiry going on"

 

[Roger]

I tried to start up a chicken dating agency but failed, it was a struggle to make hens meet.

 

[Barrychuckle]

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

 

[Roger]

I could barely lift my bottle of water earlier, it was an Evian.

 

[Barrychuckle]

The school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A

 

[maltrab]

 

[Barrychuckle]

My favourite drink is a cocktail of carrot juice and whisky. I am always drunk but I can see for miles....

 

[Roger]

A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons, the police held him for a while then let him go.

 

[Barrychuckle]

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line

 

[Roger]

I've just been informed that a distant relative has left me a priceless watch in her will, I hope it's not a wind up.

 

[Barrychuckle]

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we’ve started to call her I can’t believe she’s not better.....

 

[imitation700mb]

Why was my next door neighbour worried about her late husband? He should have been home ages ago!

 

[Barrychuckle]

I'd like to see a world without plagiarism ... You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

 

[onyx(John)]

I've got a sore throat after putting up the Christmas decorations. I think I've got tinselitis.

 

[Roger]

Marti Pellow has discovered he's got Arthritis, he feels it in his fingers, he feels it in his toes.

 

[Barrychuckle]

"I pay someone a thousand pounds a week to do all my worrying for me!”
“How the hell can you afford that?”
“I can’t, but I let him worry about that!”