jokes bad or otherwise.

[Roger]

I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the Arctic, my doctor says I may have 'Buy Polar' disorder.

 

[Onslow]

I'd like to see a world without plagiarism ... You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

This is the answer, still red faced from laughing.

 

[Barrychuckle]

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button....

 

[Roger]

A beggar asked me if I had any loose change, I said, "No mate, it's nice and secure thanks."

 

[captain clutterbuck]

A guy gets out the shower when his wife walks in. " What do you think baby 280lb of pure dynamite " She replies " real shame about the very , very short fuse.

 

[mashibinbin]

A guy gets out the shower when his wife walks in. " What do you think baby 280lb of pure dynamite " She replies " real shame about the very , very short fuse.

No bang there then!

 

[Roger]

I got covered in ketchup earlier today, from my head tomatoes.

 

[Barrychuckle]

I think it's that time when we can share some our cracker jokes......

 

[Barrychuckle]

1st one...
What do you call a vicar on a moped?
Rev

 

[Roger]

I saw a Dutch guy with shoes that had built in satnav, bloody clever clogs.

 

[Barrychuckle]

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

They’re always dropping their needles!

 

[captain clutterbuck]

We need the more than ever if the cracker jokes are coming out and like CHADs they are clearly starting to spread now

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Here's a worthy one . Santa has a new reindeer in train this year its Rocky the Brown Nosed reindeer , he can run as fast as Rudolph but cannot stop as fast.

 

[Roger]

Is the fear of getting stuck in a chimney Santaclaustrophobia?

 

[Barrychuckle]

Where's @mashibinbin when you need cracker jokes

Why did Santa give up smoking?
Cos it was bad for his elf!

 

[imitation700mb]

Santa has three types of elves:

Elf and Safety
Elf and Efficiency
National Elf

 

[mashibinbin]

Where's @mashibinbin when you need cracker jokes

Why did Santa give up smoking?
Cos it was bad for his elf!

Why does Father Christmas only work one night a year - it's a Claus in his contract.

I accidentally ate the Christmas tree decorations and woke up the next day with tinselitus.

The bank manager eyed the festive tree adorned with all the trimmings with an envious eye. Finally he could say to his customers once upon that he had branches everywhere.

 

[Barrychuckle]

Why is it best to think of 2024 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you!

 

[Roger]

I was so disappointed after travelling all that way to see the Great Wall of China, it wasn't made of china at all.

 

[mashibinbin]

Sid was once asked play Santa but Ivy hung her head in dismay as her husband misunderstood the instruction to go and sleigh some reindeer.

Foggy the Snowman was rifling through the festive cheap vegetable selections excitedly, it was time to pick his nose.

Father Christmas is less welcome in a lift than Marina to Norman Clegg as he tends to get Claustrophobic.