jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph!
Rude-olph!
Waawk, waawk, waak, waaaaaaaaaa.
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Sherlock Holmes went to call on Dr Watson and was greatly surprised when he knocked on the Door . The good Doctor answered and Holmes enquired " Why did you paint the door yellow Watson ? " " Its Lemon Entry Holmes !" 
The bloke that fitted my double glazing in 2021 turned up and said I'd still not paid, I reminded him he told me they'd pay for themselves in 3 years.....
mashibinbin
Dedicated Member
Good to see you're dealing with pains by being transparent!
What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle!
A puddle!
mashibinbin
Dedicated Member
Mrs Avery had this incredible insight into wrapping parcels exploited by Tom, it was the gift that kept on giving.
Mervyn's favourite Christmas pizza treat had to be deep-pan, crisp and even!
When Billy Ingleton had a cameo as a vampire in Extra, Extra! all he got was frostbite!
Mervyn's favourite Christmas pizza treat had to be deep-pan, crisp and even!
When Billy Ingleton had a cameo as a vampire in Extra, Extra! all he got was frostbite!
I used to think sticks and stones could break my bones but words can never hurt me...until I fell into a printing press.
mashibinbin
Dedicated Member
2B or not 2B that is the question.
I’d love to tell you a joke about a pencil, but it doesn’t have any point.
mashibinbin
Dedicated Member
Sharp words there our Barry!
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A guy has led a wicked life and is sent to hell where he is met by the devil who says to him "You have the choice of three rooms to endure your eternal hell in "
The guy goes to the first room opens the door and sees people burning in a huge fire screaming and shouting. " Well I don't fancy that" he thinks
At the second room he looks inside and sees a huge Gorilla ripping limbs off screaming people and tossing them to one side " That's a no no for me " he thinks.
He opens the third door and sees people sitting in Vats of S**t drinking coffee . He thinks "yeh not great sitting in s**t all day but at least you get coffee to drink"
He sees the Devil and asks for room 3 so the devil sits him in the Vat and gives him a coffee which he sips and thinks this is ok . After a couple of mins the Devil's assistant appears and utters " Right folks coffee break over back to standing on the head "
The guy goes to the first room opens the door and sees people burning in a huge fire screaming and shouting. " Well I don't fancy that" he thinks
At the second room he looks inside and sees a huge Gorilla ripping limbs off screaming people and tossing them to one side " That's a no no for me " he thinks.
He opens the third door and sees people sitting in Vats of S**t drinking coffee . He thinks "yeh not great sitting in s**t all day but at least you get coffee to drink"
He sees the Devil and asks for room 3 so the devil sits him in the Vat and gives him a coffee which he sips and thinks this is ok . After a couple of mins the Devil's assistant appears and utters " Right folks coffee break over back to standing on the head "
I used to supply filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Patrick bumps in to Michael " Hello Mick wish me luck I'm off for an interview to be a Pay Clerk at the local Building site"
Michael replies " You what !! No disrespect Paddy but you aren't the brightest button in the box"
Patrick replies" Well there are fourteen up for it and I have as much a chance as others"
Later in the day they meet up again
Michael says "Sorry there Paddy that you didn't get the job"
Patrick replies " No, No I got it !! They asked a clincher question to check out the maths, they asked what three times seven was and I said 89"
Michael said "Well that's so wrong , it's 21 not 89 !!"
Patrick " I know Mick but I was the closest"
Michael replies " You what !! No disrespect Paddy but you aren't the brightest button in the box"
Patrick replies" Well there are fourteen up for it and I have as much a chance as others"
Later in the day they meet up again
Michael says "Sorry there Paddy that you didn't get the job"
Patrick replies " No, No I got it !! They asked a clincher question to check out the maths, they asked what three times seven was and I said 89"
Michael said "Well that's so wrong , it's 21 not 89 !!"
Patrick " I know Mick but I was the closest"