jokes bad or otherwise.

Doctor Who just materialised in my front room,
He asked if I had a sonic screwdriver he could borrow.
No but I've got a Mickey Mouse hammer if that's any good.
 
Just bought a premier league tool box but i'm taking it back for a refund.
Because there's no hammers in it!!!!
 
I can never be bothered giving most people the time of day.
Consequently,I've now lost my job as the speaking clock.
 
I went into the pub and the landlord said, "What can I get you?"
I said, "Orange juice please"
He said, "Not drinking tonight?"
I said, "Er .. yes ... orange juice"
 
I've finally figured out a way to get my dog to do as I tell her...
I tell her to do what she wants.
 
My mates dad's going a bit deaf these days.They were talking about restaurants, and he asked him if he liked the ambience to be noisy, or quiet.
He said, "I don't care as long as it gets me to the hospital."
 
If your biggest problem in life is the fact that your golf club keeps
slipping out of your hands, you seriously need to get a grip.
 
I was in the supermarket the other day and I saw this offer that said
'2 for 1'
I thought to myself "uh-oh, trouble in the musketeers!"
 
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." She turns to
her husband and says "That's horrible!!! So many men dying like that!"
After a few minutes, she asks, "How many is a Brazillion ?"
 
FACEBOOK QUIZ: "Which premiership footballer are you?"
Question 1: Do you cheat on your wife/girlfriend?
Answer: No
Quiz: You are not a premiership footballer.
 
"I was in a Chinese restaurant when a duck came up to me with a rose
and said: 'Your eyes sparkle like the stars'. So I said to the waiter:
'Excuse me, I ordered aromatic duck!
 
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