jokes bad or otherwise.

Flattery will get you nowhere is the vicious rumour that caused Flattery's taxis to go out of business
 
I was telling my mate that I saw a film by Spielburg last night. He said, "Which one?"
I said, "Steven."
 
I saw a postman attempting to do stand-up last night.
It took him 3 hours to deliver his first joke.
 
2 people was arrested in my street last night. The first one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fire works.
They charged the first one and let the second one off.
 
Actual answers in a recent exam:
Q. Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements
A. Learning to speak Latin
Q. What is a fibula
A. A little lie
Q. What is the highest frequency noise a human can hear
A. Maria Carey
Q. What is a stand alone computer system
A. It doesn't come with a chair.
 
Sick of having your house burgled?
Save money on home security by simply writing the words "Job Centre" on your door.
 
I've just tried to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act. It was on an automated telephone system. I had to press 1 for the money...2 for the show..!
 
There are 5 Peruvian Owls standing on my garden fence, looking at me in the kitchen.
I'm sure they're Inca hoots.
 
A teacher spotted one of her pupils drawing a picture.
"What are you drawing?" She asks,
"I'm drawing God," he replies.
The teacher paused and then says, "But nobody knows what he looks like."
"They will in a minute," he replies.
 
I just bought a new mouse mat.
Hopefully that'll stop the little buggers leaving footprints all over my kitchen floor.
 
"How is it," my wife asked, "that when I'm crazy and hormonal and completely unfair you never seem to lose your temper?"
"Ahh, it's easy, I just go clean the toilet" I replied.
"How does that help?"
"I use your toothbrush"
 
I said, "My wife is worth her weight in gold".
My mate said, "I wish mine was, I could sell her and buy myself a yacht".
 
When I was young my mum would put food on a spoon and say "There's a train coming, there's a train coming" and I would always eat 'cos if I didn't she wouldn't untie me from the railway lines.
 
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