jokes bad or otherwise.

I saw the strangest thing in the shopping centre: A concrete escalator.
It wasn't working though.
 
A fella's wife comes home from work upset, saying that someone told her she looked like a donkey.
He replied "Don't listen to them love, unless of course it was an particularly ugly donkey"
 
My aunt got a job circumcising elephants at the zoo. The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous!!!!
 
My mate ssaid to me “After the subtle hint my wife gave me last night about wanting to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet in the house...
...I've bought the cat some shoes”.
 
My mate must have been sat for ten minutes last night, wondering what to choose from the menu.
Eventually I had to step in and select, "Play Movie."
 
Just watched a feature length documentary about life before sliced bread.
It was the uncut version.
 
Sometimes you can be looking for something all day, and then there it is, right under your nose! - I'd been looking for my mouth for hours.....
 
My Son asked me where he gets his intelligence from. I said "It must be from your Mother lad, because I still have mine."
 
Harper Seven Beckham was named following a misunderstanding. David thought the Doctor asked him the time.
 
If NASA had any sense of humour, they would dress the landing crew at Edwards as apes to greet the astronauts on their last Shuttle landing.
 
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the operator asked.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!
 
I went to see my dear old grandad earlier.
He looked a bit upset.
"I've been trying to do this jigsaw puzzle for hours now and it looks nothing like the picture on the box, it's meant to be a chicken".
"That's a box of cornflakes grandad"
 
My mates wife had all her hair shaved off for a bet.
He did it while she slept and my mate won 20 quid.
 
There's a twist in the new I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.
They're going to throw in a couple of celebs this time round.
 
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