jokes bad or otherwise.

I was out for a walk today and, coming round a corner, came across this really weird scene.
Coming one way across the crossroads was a bus... but stationary, like it was frozen in time. Same with a car travelling the other way. Frozen in time.
Then, between the two was this woman pushing a pram, obviously in the way, but frozen in time.
I remember thinking to myself, "That's an accident waiting to happen."
 
Vegetarians always claim that you can't tell the difference between quorn mince and meat.
How do they know?
 
"I'm not sure if it needs a cut?" she said. "Maybe at the back, and a tidy up at the front? Maybe the sides too?"
"I don't care," I muttered, "just get mowing before it rains."
 
I was in the garden today and saw a butterfly which looked like it had a broken wing. So I poured some Red Bull on it and then BAM................ It drowned
 
The butcher said to me, "I bet you can't reach that meat on the top shelf".
I replied, "I'm not betting"
"Why?" he asked.
"The steaks are too high" I told him.
 
Two men are chatting in their hospital beds,
"What are you in for?" said the first,
"Camera down the throat" the other replied,
"Oh endoscopy?" the first man asked,
"Yes" he said "Checking for stomach cancer. What about you?"
"Camera up the a**e" he said,
"Oh coloscopy, checking for bowel cancer?" quizzed the second man,
"No, my neighbour was sunbathing and my wife caught me taking a photo"
 
My wife's been ignoring me for ages because she's addicted to playing solitaire.
I thought "two can play at that game"
 
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