jokes bad or otherwise.

My mate said, "I like your car"
I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby"
He said, "How about I buy it off you"
I said, "Yeah go on then. Three grand?"
He said, "You've got yourself a deal"
I said, "Nice one .. you're going to make a brilliant dad"
 
Some of the demands my wife's kidnappers are making really do defy belief.
Like, "Okay, we have the ransom now come and get her."
 
I woke up this morning,walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Then jumped into the shower. After getting out I heard a whistle. I walked back into the kitchen and got run over by a train.
 
Army surplus store to have sale, they are offering a genuine French rifle never been fired and only dropped twice
 
"Attention shoppers. Free samples today include;
a range of cheeses on aisle four,
Turbo-Laxitives on aisle three
and a selection of biscuits on aisle seven."
"This is a staff announcement. Clean-up crew required on aisle three."
 
Funnily enough my next joke is (and it's complete coincidence);
Just been arrested for indecent exposure !!!!
I wouldn't mind but I only showed my face !
 
Girl- I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy- I know.
Girl- I love you.
Boy- I love you much more.
After surgery when the girl woke up, only her father was next
to her bed.
Girl- where is he ?
Father- You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl- what!?! *She starts crying*.
Father- Just kidding. He's gone for a poop .
 
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